


fly me away to the bright side of the moon [and meet me on the other side]

by aeriamamaduck



Series: Dream Weaver [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, And that he knew Yuuri was a fan based on how he skated :D, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Awkward Crush, Bisexual Katsuki Yuuri, Communication, Crush at First Sight, Dancing, Depression, Developing Relationship, Discussions of sex, Dissociation, Eating, Embarrassment, Feeding, First Dates, First Kiss, Flirting, Food, Happy Ending, I am as clueless about figure skating as Yuuri's parents, Kissing, Lack of Communication, Literal Sleeping Together, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phichit Chulanont Is a Good Friend, Pining Katsuki Yuuri, Pining Victor Nikiforov, Relationship(s), Self Confidence Issues, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Room, Since we know Victor actually knew about a figure skater named Yuuri Katsuki all along, Supportive Victor Nikiforov, Victor is Shook, Yuri Plisetsky is a Brat, Yuuri is Shook, everybody is Shook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-02 17:15:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13322805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeriamamaduck/pseuds/aeriamamaduck
Summary: Yuuri walked towards Victor Nikiforov like a man heading to his execution.A commemorative photo didn't sound too bad, and it was probably his last chance to get one.-Yuuri bitterly takes Victor up on his offer and ends up very surprised.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> look at that! yet another Sochi AU for the fandom!
> 
> so months ago I asked myself what would've happened if Yuuri had taken Victor up on that commemorative photo offer.
> 
> I wrote a few notes, put them away after telling myself this would probably never see the light of day, and this afternoon out of nowhere I decided to just go for it.
> 
> I anticipate this being about three or four chapters long.
> 
> title's from _Dream Weaver_ by Gary Wright (which is what I think played in Yuuri's head the first time he saw Victor. I know, I asked him :] )

Yuuri walked towards Victor Nikiforov like a man heading to his execution.

 

A commemorative photo didn't sound too bad, and it was probably his last chance to get one.

 

His throat and stomach were tight with a mixture of emotions. A more subdued part of him was elated that he was actually going to stand next to Victor Nikiforov, but it was thoroughly dominated by the part that was bitter over everything. Vicchan had died, and the news had made him choke so bad he landed himself in last place, and now he could hardly face his idol because of it.

 

Yuuri wondered why he was putting himself through this. It was probably wiser to just turn around and walk away from him and try to forget about the entire near-encounter. But he found himself standing in front of Victor, probably looking like the idiot he felt like. God, he couldn't even say 'hello' for fear that he'd break down again in front of the other man and cement his role as the pathetic loser Yuri Plisetsky had declared him to be. What was he even doing here, standing before the man who'd just won his fifth consecutive gold medal? Yuuri wasn't even  _close_  to his level, so maybe it was best that they'd likely never meet again.

 

Victor Nikiforov was never going to be within his reach.

 

The other man was looking at him expectantly, a congenial smile on his face as he watched Yuuri approach. Well, Yuuri couldn't really fault him for being nice to a fan.

 

_Just take your photo and leave before you humiliate yourself even more._

 

He stood there for a moment, unsure of how to even start talking to the gold medalist, when to his horror a frown appeared on that ridiculously perfect face. Victor tapped his bottom lip with the tip of his finger, staring at Yuuri and making him feel like he was being scrutinized and coming up very short.  _This was a terrible idea I shouldn't have walked over I should've just walked away-_

 

"Yuuri Katsuki," the man said with utter certainty, shocking Yuuri with both the volume and the sound of his name from his mouth. 

 

He'd said his name.

 

It had Yuuri staring at him, completely speechless.

 

Then Victor, eyes bright with curiosity, suddenly reached over to stroke Yuuri's bangs back in a poor recreation of the gelled back style he wore when performing, and Yuuri felt himself stop breathing.  _He's touching me. He's actually touching me._

 

Victor stroked his forehead with a smooth thumb and Yuuri's heart gave a few hard beats at the sensation, which was unexpectedly soft. The man's smile was still so unexpectedly friendly as he said, "You look even younger up close!"

 

Yuuri blinked at him, realizing this was the part where he was supposed to answer him. His voice wasn't exactly cooperating due to the immense shock of  _Victor Nikiforov is TOUCHING ME._  Finally he found some fragment of his voice and managed to quietly ask, "You...you know who I am?"  _Yuuri, you IDIOT. HE *JUST* SAID YOUR NAME._

 

"Of course I do! You just placed sixth and you're the only certified male figure skater in Japan! I'm glad I got a chance to meet you," Victor said, taking his hand away and giving Yuuri a warm smile. 

 

The sight of it had Yuuri feeling like he'd been hit by a bus. A very attractive and talented bus named Victor Nikiforov, and it had come complete with mood whiplash. "I...th-thank you," he stammered out, sorely wishing his voice would stop sounding so pathetic. Soon enough their encounter would end and Victor would go back to his world, a world that wouldn't include Yuuri.

 

But Victor was still smiling at him, still warm and friendly. "I made a point of looking at my competitors' work before the Grand Prix series began, and my coach told me to pay especially close attention to you," he said, and Yuuri's heart gave another pang. What was actually happening to him? Victor added with a knowing grin, "Your step sequences are a marvel, and I can tell I'm a bit of an inspiration for you! Or am I wrong?"

 

God, he'd noticed, and the blush that erupted on Yuuri's face wouldn't help his case if he denied it. Then again, why deny it? Victor had been the largest source of inspiration for Yuuri since he was in his early teens. "...No. Not at all! That is..." He cleared his throat, wondering if he'd be able to look back on this without regretting that he'd stumbled around in his speech in front of Victor. "I'm...I admire you. Always have." He wanted to die. He couldn't even speak and he wanted to die. He covered his eyes, feeling his blush intensify as he realized how idiotic he must've looked and sounded. "Sorry! I...I must sound like a...a..."

 

"A fan?" Victor said with a soft chuckle, placing a hand on Yuuri's shoulder and taking his phone out of his pocket. "Why don't we take that photo? Russia's Hero and Japan's Ace, together in Sochi!" He brought them together, side by side, in a quick movement, and Yuuri inhaled sharply as his heart began to race. He was touching Victor. He could smell something sweet and floral off of him, warm and addicting. 

 

He noticed the phone screen aiming towards them, catching the way his own eyes were rimmed with red from his earlier crying, and watched himself blush with embarrassment. He looked like the disaster he was next to Victor, who looked utterly stunning as he pressed their faces closer _wait WHAT?_  "Smile!"

 

Yuuri managed a tiny little smile, a quick lift of the corners of his mouth just before Victor took the picture. "Your phone next," Victor declared, and Yuuri scrambled to reach for it, taking it out and taking a deep breath to try and keep his arm steady as he took another picture.

 

"Smile," he requested softly, and waited for Victor's beautiful smile to appear before taking the picture.

 

They parted and Yuuri felt a more painful pang when they did, wanting to go back in time to fully appreciate the feeling of Victor standing so close to him, Victor's face being so close to his. Victor was looking at his phone, a soft smile on his face, and Yuuri stared at him, still trying to determine if that entire moment had really happened and he actually had a selfie of himself and Victor in his phone. Then those blue eyes turned to him, and their owner asked, "Do you mind if I post it?"

 

"Go ahead! It's fine," Yuuri replied, still blushing, sensing he'd die of heart issues after Victor leveled him with yet another beautiful smile. Funny how minutes ago he wanted no reminders of his failure, but...last place or not, Victor knew who he was, and had smiled at him so many times. 

 

He'd even had good things to say about Yuuri's step sequences.

 

Putting his phone away, Victor turned to him again, and Yuuri had the sinking feeling that Victor was about to say his goodbyes. Then he said with a wide smile, "Your short program was impressive, so I was surprised that you scored so low tonight. There was a  _huge_  difference between the two programs, a very noticeable one."

 

And Yuuri once again felt like he'd been hit by a bus, though it was a less pleasant feeling this time around. His throat closed up again at the reminder, and of  _course_  Victor had noticed. Anyone would! Even in those friendly tones, the words hit harder than the loss itself. "I know," Yuuri replied, voice tight as he looked away from the man. 

 

But Victor persisted, observantly saying, "You seemed distracted by something. I know this was your first time making it to the Grand Prix Final, so maybe you were feeling a lot of pressure."

 

Something like that. Yuuri's lips thinned, remembering that awful call from home and the utter  _pain_  he'd felt in its wake. Days ago he thought he'd finally go to Hasetsu and show his family and dog a medal, proof that their efforts and support hadn't gone to waste. Now Vicchan was gone and he'd fallen to last place. Victor likely wouldn't be impressed by the explanation anyway. He'd probably think it a poor excuse, but Yuuri still found himself saying hesitantly, "It's just...I got bad news from home, and..." He trailed off, throat growing tight again at the thought of saying it out loud.  _My dog died. My best friend died._

 

"Bad news?" Victor asked, brow wrinkling with concern.

 

Yuuri blinked rapidly, cursing the prickling at the corners of his eyes. He  _couldn't_  cry in front of Victor. "...My-"

 

"Wow. You're actually talking to Last Place, Victor?"

 

Yuuri felt himself practically shrink at the sound of that scornful voice, belonging to the same teenager that had glared at him with such fury as he tried to put himself together in the bathroom, telling him that he might as well retire. He was still sneering at him, and Yuuri wished the ground would swallow him up.  _I can't believe this, I'm actually being intimidated by a teenager. God, maybe I should just retire if I'm that level of pathetic..._

 

Then Victor walked towards Yuri Plisetsky, and for a second Yuuri feared that the boy's words had made Victor come to his senses, making him realize that he shouldn't be wasting his time on a pitiful skater. But then Victor lifted a hand to give Yuri several firm pats on the head, a frigidly polite smile on his face as he looked at the teen. "Don't be such a bully, Yura. Little boys don't make friends that way!"

 

Yuuri winced at the passive-aggressive tone, more so when he saw how red Yuri's face became. The younger skater batted Victor's hand away, snarling as he pointed at Yuuri, "Like I'd want  _this_  crybaby as my friend!"

 

He turned on his heel and stalked back towards his and Victor's coach, and Yuuri felt painfully small after Yuri quite firmly put him in his place. "I...I should go," he said quietly, clutching his suitcase handle and wishing he hadn't lingered so long.

 

"Wait," he heard Victor say just as he felt his hand on his shoulder again. Yuuri did stop when he felt that hand give his shoulder a squeeze, inhaling sharply at the sensation and turning to look at Victor, seeing that same friendly smile from before. "Don't listen to him, really. Puberty hit him like a truck and he's just putting on airs now that he won gold and is making his senior debut next season. You're sixth best. That's a big deal."

 

Yuuri looked at him wonderingly, very aware of Victor's gentle grip on his shoulder. He swallowed, trying to commit every word to memory, and feeling a surge of gratitude in his chest for  _this_  moment, at the very least. Maybe it was all he'd get, but it was something. Certainly better than nothing.  _Worlds_  better than nothing. "Thank you, Victor," he said, giving the man a small smile of his own.

 

It was one of those 'blink and you miss it' sort of things, but Yuuri caught a flicker of tenderness from Victor's eyes, a very brief one, and felt his hand squeeze his shoulder again. Then Victor's gaze brightened and he snapped his fingers, beaming as he said, "I've got an idea! Why don't we go to the banquet together?"

 

Steam was probably coming out of Yuuri's ears at that point, his face likely completely red as he gaped at Victor, trying to process what he'd just asked. "...Come again?"

 

Was...Victor Nikiforov...asking him out?  _Him?!_

 

"A photo won't do," Victor said determinedly. "You deserve a good time and the banquet's bound to be boring otherwise. It always is."

 

Incredible. Either Yuuri was in the middle of a very intense dream or the worst night of his life had somehow turned into the best night of his life. "I'm...I'm sure there are plenty of other people you'd rather go with."  _WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!_

 

"No. Not really," Victor said, still smiling widely as he gave Yuuri a... _was that a hopeful look in his eyes?_

 

Yuuri couldn't believe it, but was he actually going to reject  _Victor Nikiforov?_  

 

"...Okay," he heard himself say, quite sure he was seconds away from combustion. 

 

Was this actually happening?

 

Was he really going to go to the banquet  _with_  Victor? Him? The guy who choked so badly he landed in last place?

 

Victor's smile was gleeful as he pushed his phone towards Yuuri. "Good! Let's exchange numbers!"

 

Yuuri nodded and silently dialed his number in, thinking to himself,  _You'd think I'd made his week, or something._  He handed Victor his phone back, and a moment later felt his own phone vibrate in his pocket, signaling that he was now in possession of his idol's phone number. Just when he thought he'd never experience such a wonderful high again, Victor's hand reached out to cup his face, and Yuuri stopped breathing  _again_  when a thumb stroked his cheek a few times. He looked up at Victor, who was gazing at him warmly before leaning in to whisper, "I'll see you tomorrow night. Have a good rest, and don't forget to text me."

 

He drew away and walked off with that beautiful smile, leaving Yuuri completely devastated.

 

That had happened.

 

That had really happened.

 

Yuuri blew out a breath, suddenly feeling incredibly dizzy as his cheek burned with the memory of Victor's touch. He walked towards a wall on shaky legs, leaning back on it and trying to catch his breath, well-aware that he probably looked like an idiot in front of all the people around him. He touched his cheek, hoping he hadn't made it too obvious that he had a crush on the man. But honestly, who wouldn't? Victor was an incredibly attractive man, with a heartbreakingly beautiful face, a gorgeous body, and legs for  _days_...

 

_Stop. Stop it. You're in public._

 

He couldn't linger on thoughts of the man who'd caused his Great Bisexual Awakening (as Phichit so lovingly called it) right now. When Victor called his phone he'd caught a glimpse of several missed calls and texts from his sister. 

 

Guilt made his throat grow tight again. 

 

He'd hung up on his mother when he was sitting in the bathroom stall, when he couldn't stand listening to the calm understanding in her voice when he knew he had disappointed everyone who'd supported him throughout his life. Suddenly he felt incredibly tired, needing another good cry and a hot bath in his hotel room.

 

And more time to process that he was going to the banquet with Victor Nikiforov.

 

Sighing, he opened up his messages.

 

**MARI:**

**yuuri you hung up on mom**

**she's worried**

**please talk to me**

**no one's mad at you**

**just please let me know you're okay**

 

 

**YUURI:**

**I'm here I'm okay**

**I'm sorry I worried you**

**Give me time to get to my room. We can Facetime**

 

 

**MARI:**

**okay**

**good**

 

A taxi ride later Yuuri made his way to his hotel room and sank into his bed, muscles throbbing as he lay there quietly for a few moments, sliding his glasses off to rub his aching temples. 

 

His very exhausted mind still managed to conjure up the dozens of ways tomorrow could go wrong. Victor was obviously an incredibly experienced man, having gone out with people more beautiful and more remarkable than Yuuri could ever hope to be. Meanwhile Yuuri's experience added up to a pitifully brief kiss at a party, a couple of unfulfilled crushes, and an as of yet unpunched v-card. Victor was probably just taking pity on him. Sure, he admired him as a skater, but he probably wasn't  _that_  interested in Yuuri. 

 

 _Stop it_ , he said to himself, dragging his hands over his face and through his hair.  _Stop ruining your good mood and_ _call Mari._

 

He stared at the screen and listened to the dial tone, hoping he looked better than he felt. She answered the call, her worried face appearing on screen. Yuuri gave her a weak smile, voice shaking as he said, "Hi,  _nee-chan."_

 

"Yuuri! I'm so glad to see you! Are you okay? Is-"

 

"Is that Yuuri?" A moment later his mother's face appeared beside Mari's, just as worried as she caught sight of Yuuri. "There you are! I've been so worried! You hung up so suddenly, I didn't know if-"

 

"Mom, I'm fine! I promise. I'm really sorry I hung up like that." He blinked rapidly again, not wanting them to see him cry. It was bad enough his mother had heard him. "I'm sorry I disappointed everybody," he said, feeling his heart grow heavy with shame.

 

"You did no such thing!" his mother exclaimed, her own eyes shining and making his heart ache. "We're proud of you, Yuuri! Please don't forget that."

 

He didn't want to. He honestly didn't. But it was difficult when he was so sure he was just a disappointment. "And I'm...I wish I'd been there when Vicchan..." He shut his eyes and breathed. He wasn't going to let them see him cry.

 

Yuuri opened his eyes to see them looking at him sadly, heaviness in Mari's voice as she said, "He loved you, Yuuri. Please be sure of that."

 

 _But was he sure I loved him?_  Yuuri thought.  _I didn't see him in years. Maybe he forgot about me, maybe he thought I didn't love him anymore, or..._  

 

He swallowed, promising himself a good long cry about it once the conversation was over, and said in a shaky voice, "...Something happened a little while ago. Something amazing."

 

"What, son?" Hiroko asked with a sniffle and gentle smile.

 

"I...met Victor Nikiforov."

 

Both pairs of eyes widened at that and Mari shouted, " _What, really?!"_

 

Yuuri nodded, heart racing again at the memory of it, at the reminder of the photo in his phone. "We took a selfie, and...I really need someone to pinch me, because he...asked me if we could go to the banquet together," he said, pitying his poor heart as it worked overtime. Maybe it was pity, or maybe...

 

After all, Victor had shot Yuri Plisetsky down quite efficiently and given Yuuri encouraging words, and he'd given him all those intensely warm smiles that had his mind spinning.

 

His mother had a hand on her face as she beamed in pleasured surprise and Mari was still gaping at him. "Like...as his date?!" she asked, a smile spreading across her face as she bounced up and down.

 

Yuuri waved a hand around as his blush reappeared with a vengeance. "N-no! He's...just being nice!" 

 

"Did you get his number?!" Mari suddenly demanded.

 

"Yes. And no, I'm not giving it to Minako- _sensei,_ " he said, shivering at the thought of what his ballet instructor would be capable of with an attractive figure skater's phone number.

 

Still giving him that soft smile, his mother said, "Promise us you'll have fun, Yuuri. You deserve it after all your hard work."

 

He smiled back at her tiredly, not really sure of what he deserved right now. All he knew was that he wanted tomorrow night to go well, and to really appreciate having Victor's attention for a few hours in spite of the fact that Yuuri would most likely never surpass him. "I will, Mom."

 

After saying their goodbyes Yuuri lay back down again, unzipping his jacket and tugging it off. He stared down at his costume, once again wondering just what he deserved. 

 

He picked up his phone again, remembering that he hadn't looked at either selfie he'd taken. He opened his browser and pulled up Victor's blog, and sure enough there he was, his smile rather pitiful next to Victor's glowing face.

 

**post-Sochi GPF w the amazing katsuki_yuuri!!!**

 

It took everything in him not to read any of the comments, tapping away from the page as he breathed shakily.  _Calm down._

 

_Please calm down._

 

Still breathing, Yuuri opened his gallery and tapped the most recent photo, trying to keep his mind connected to reality.

 

He managed it somehow, fighting the dizziness as he took more deep breaths and looked at his screen.

 

His stomach dropped when he saw himself in the photo, cow-eyed and mouth partly opened as he stared at Victor's smiling face. 

 

_Oh God oh God oh God..._

 

His thumb hovered over the trash can icon for several moments, but he caught himself in time before tapping it. Maybe he looked like a starstruck idiot in it, but it was still a photo of him and Victor. By principle he couldn't get rid of it. Maybe he'd just bury it deep in his files where no one would ever find it.

 

Nodding decisively, Yuuri turned the screen off and set his phone on the bed, remembering that he still wanted a hot bath and a long cry that wouldn't be interrupted by a teenage punk.


	2. Chapter 2

"Why wasn't I there? Why was I  _not_ there to witness what was probably the greatest moment in all of human history?" Phichit lamented.

 

Yuuri couldn't help but give him a weak smile, still experiencing the remnants of emotional exhaustion and a very slight headache from the crying he'd indulged in the night before. Which was a bit unfortunate considering he was a couple of hours away from going on not-a-date with Victor Nikiforov.

 

He'd accepted a video call from Phichit to try and elevate his mood a bit more, and help calm the butterflies in his stomach, and was greeted with a lot of screaming from his roommate about the selfie Victor Nikiforov had posted online, featuring one Katsuki Yuuri. ("It's spreading like wildfire, Yuuri! I'm your best friend and  _I HAD TO HEAR ABOUT IT ONLINE.")_

 

"What was he like?!" Phichit demanded as Yuuri looked at his reflection critically, the phone propped up against the mirror as he examined the edges of his eyes for any hint of red. He sighed, wondering if he'd make a fool of himself by breaking down in the middle of the banquet even if he felt so much better than he had yesterday. "Was he nice? Did he ooze charm?  _Did he smell like a winner?"_

 

 _He smelled amazing,_ Yuuri thought to himself, feeling yet another blush creep up his face. Picking up the phone again he replied, "He was really nice. He...really is incredibly nice to his fans." He paused, smiling almost to himself at the memory. "...He knew who I was. He said he'd been watching my skating before the Final, and that he liked my step sequences."

 

He winced and laughed at yet another elated scream from Phichit. "And then he asked you out?!  _God_ , Yuuri! Next thing you know he'll confess that he's madly in love with you and ask you to elope with him!"

 

"Come on, he's just being nice," Yuuri said, walking over to the bed where his suit was laid out and thumbing his light blue tie. "He's Victor Nikiforov, he could do way better than me. Like supermodel better. Expensive watch commercials better."

 

" _Yuu-riii,_ " Phichit said in a scolding tone. "No bringing yourself down. You're a prince heading to the ball to meet another prince. Don't turn your nose up at the chance of something life-changing happening. Like a passionate night of sex in his hotel room."

 

_"Phichit!"_

 

"Or naughty late-night texts. Or...naughty early-morning texts, since he lives on the other side of the globe."

 

Yuuri turned red from head to toe, arm waving wildly as he tried to steer Phichit away from that line of conversation. "I'm  _not_ going to end up in his hotel room! Now tell me if this tie's okay!"

 

He lifted it up to show it to Phichit, the younger man giving it a thoughtful stare. "...It's okay. Not great, but okay. Won't matter in the end, since it'll just end up on the floor, along with the rest of yours and Victor's clothes."

 

Yuuri sputtered more denials while Phichit laughed. Once his roommate quieted, Yuuri steered the conversation back to his preparations for the not-a-date, sliding his glasses off and asking nervously, "Maybe I shouldn't wear glasses. What do you think?"

 

Phichit's smile disappeared and he sighed rather heavily, giving Yuuri a serious look. "Yuuri, let me ask you something."

 

"What is it?

 

"Are we in a cheesy 90's movie where your level of attractiveness is  _somehow_ measured by whether or not you wear glasses, which you wear to help you _see?"_

 

"...No."

 

" _Then put those glasses on,"_ Phichit ordered, his face leaving little space for hesitation, and Yuuri slid his glasses back on. "So, you're going to have a good time?"

 

"Yeah. Yeah, I am," Yuuri said, trying to remember that  _Victor Nikiforov_ had invited him. That this wasn't some wildly insane dream that had gone on from way too long. He knew, he had pinched himself several times that morning and his headache from crying had been rather pronounced.

 

"And you're going to tell me about everything that goes on?"

 

"Right."

 

"And you  _won't_  get so drunk that you wipe your entire memory?"

 

"It's not like that happens often!" Yuuri protested, cursing the fact that he became utterly unbearable when he drank and proceeded to completely forget about it. He knew there'd be alcohol at the banquet, and while his original plan might have been to drink himself stupid to get over his failure, he was determined to remember everything about tonight. 

 

"I'm just making sure," Phichit said.

 

Yuuri finished dressing up, willing himself not to look so...nervous. Victor would likely notice he was nervous and be put off by it. "I just...keep thinking this is just a fluke. Like I don't actually deserve something  _this_ good. I feel like I fooled him into this," he admitted quietly, fumbling with the knot of his tie.

 

Phichit gazed at him for a moment before saying, "Of course you deserve it, Yuuri, and you didn't fool anyone! Don't get stuck on "last place," okay? You came in  _sixth!_ From where I'm standing that's a pretty big deal."

 

"I choked, Phichit," Yuuri said, sitting down with a heavy sigh and shaking his head. "And he noticed..."

 

"Don't upset yourself, Yuuri," Phichit reminded him gently. "And did you already forget that he's been admiring you for a while? And that just this morning he sent you that nice text?"

 

Yuuri fought a sniffle, thinking of Victor's text wishing him a good morning and good rest of the day. He didn't have the luxury of crying again, at least not before the banquet. "It's just...he's  _perfect_."

 

"He's human. He puts his skates on one foot at a time, just like everyone else," Phichit reminded him. "And you have no idea what he's thinking right now. Maybe he thinks he's the luckiest man in the world because a really good-looking guy agreed to go on a date with him."

 

"It's  _not a date!"_

 

"Whatever you say, my friend."

 

Later on he couldn't find any other reason to keep stalling the inevitable. This would either be the best or worst night of Yuuri's life, and he didn't want to nudge it towards the worst by making Victor Nikiforov wait. You just...didn't keep Victor Nikiforov waiting.

 

He took a deep breath and picked up his phone again, thumbs tapping rapidly at the screen before he lost his nerve.

 

**YUURI:**

**I'm heading out now.**

 

He quickly tapped out of the message screen, heart pounding hard in his chest as he wondered how else he might have worded that a bit better. Maybe try and sound a little more excited.  _I just texted Victor. I. Just. Texted. Victor._ he thought, trying to calm his racing heart. How was this  _his_ life? How was he actually living his dream of meeting Victor Nikiforov after his monumental failure?

 

Not even a minute later his phone vibrated with a response, and Yuuri was almost too terrified to open it. He took yet another deep breath and tapped at his screen, readying himself for what he'd read.

 

**VICTOR:**

**great!! :D I'll meet you by the elevator?**

 

**YUURI:**

**yeah! I'll see you there**

 

That didn't sound  _too_ excited, right? No, just the right amount of excited. He slipped his phone back into his pocket and gave himself one more look in the mirror. He looked fine, at least, and it didn't look like he'd been crying. But he was mildly annoyed at himself for sitting there feeling sorry for himself when anyone else would've been leaping at the chance to spend time with their idol. 

 

Everything would be fine. Everything would be just fine. He'd make good memories of spending time with his idol before going back to his own life and wondering just what he was going to do afterwards. Maybe get his degree and go back home...

 

Finding Celestino at the end of the hall drew Yuuri out of his thoughts, and he was quiet as his coach looked him over approvingly. "Maybe I ought to thank Victor. Otherwise I probably would've had to drag you to the banquet. How are you feeling?" he asked, putting a hand on Yuuri's shoulder.

 

Yuuri had no doubt of his coach's willingness to guilt him into going to the banquet whether or not Victor had invited him. "I'm feeling a lot better," he replied, voice sounding shaky as they made their way towards the elevators and closer to Victor and their not-a-date.

 

Yuuri couldn't help but admit to himself that there was just the tiniest bit of him that wanted this to be a date.

 

He shook his head as he clenched and unclenched his fists repeatedly, trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. He'd just accept this as a kindness on Victor's part. Nothing more.

 

When the elevator doors opened Yuuri quickly stepped off, immediately reminding himself not to look like an eager puppy, and looked around for Victor.

 

His eyes fell on him in a moment, and he felt his breaths stop before catching himself. Victor looked absolutely stunning in his dark blue suit, like he  _belonged_ in beautiful places surrounded by beautiful people, and...

 

Yuuri caught the flicker of anxiousness in those vivid blue eyes before they landed on him, and he watched them grow bright as their owner beamed at the sight of him. "Yuuri, there you are!" Victor exclaimed, making his way toward him.

 

Rooted to the spot, Yuuri stared at the man approaching him. Victor...actually looked excited to see him.

 

He inhaled shakily, feeling heat slowly rise in his face, and he cursed himself for blushing at every little thing. But how in the world was he supposed to resist when Victor was looking at him like Yuuri was about to become the best part of his day.

 

He swallowed, trying to look casual and more at ease than he felt, and cleared his throat before even attempting to say the first thing that came to mind. "You look...really great." Then he immediately asked himself why he'd said something so painfully obvious.  _Calm down, Yuuri. Calm down. Like Phichit said, he puts on his skates one foot at a time. He probably has bedhead. Maybe he pours in milk before cereal. He...smells really good._

 

Victor's eyes roamed over him, his smile growing wider as Yuuri's face became redder. "So do you! That's an...interesting tie."

 

And Yuuri suddenly wanted to rip his tie off and burn it, but before he could commit to an undoubtedly long search for matches or a lighter, Victor graciously offered him his hand. "Shall we?" he asked, smiling brightly.

 

"Uh, yeah," Yuuri replied softly, hesitating before reaching out to take Victor's hand. It was warm and smooth as it wrapped around Yuuri's, and he forgot to breathe for a moment. 

 

He remembered how to when his coach suddenly boomed, "Victor! Congratulations on your win, for the fifth year in a row." 

 

The reminder stung a little. and it felt as though the divide between Victor and himself widened so much more, in spite of them holding hands.

 

It hit him. Hard.

 

_I'm. Holding Victor's...Hand._

 

He resisted the urge to squeeze, tuning out whatever pleasantries Victor was exchanging with Celestino before he noticed they were making their way through the doors, tension gathering in his shoulders. Then he heard his name in Victor's voice and looked up in attention, eyes wide as he realized Yakov Feltsman was standing beside Victor, his stern gaze focused on Yuuri.

 

"Yuuri, this is my coach, Yakov Feltsman," Victor said, a hand on the stocky man's shoulder as he gave him a fond smile.

 

Yuuri managed a small smile for the man, nodding respectfully and shaking his hand, trying to match the remarkably strong grip. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Feltsman."

 

"Likewise, Yuuri Katsuki," the man replied in heavily-accented English. Try as he might, Yuuri couldn't find a trace of a sneer in the man's eyes. No, there was something akin to...respect? Yuuri didn't want to go that far, it smacked too much of wishful thinking. "You know I had Victor pay attention to your routines. It was one of the few times he's actually listened to me," he said, ignoring the offended look Victor was shooting him. "Damn shame about the free skate. But there's always next year."

 

Yuuri kept smiling, once again stung by the reminder of his spectacular failure. To tell the truth, he wasn't even sure if there would be a next year, and while the thought was pressing it was...frightening.

 

He unconsciously squeezed Victor's hand before replying, "Y-yeah. Next year will definitely be better."

 

"I know I'm looking forward to it," Victor put in, squeezing back and giving them both a bright smile.

 

Yuuri hated to disappoint him. Really.

 

Once they were able to politely break away from Victor's coach (with a firm reminder to mingle with potential sponsors), Yuuri started yet another attempt to put his mind at ease, fighting against all of the factors threatening to make the evening an ordeal.

 

He didn't want to think about how Yuri Plisetsky was probably right, and that he should just step aside to give someone better an apportunity. 

 

_But he was right, though._

 

Victor never left his side, though, even as they wove their way towards a couple of the sponsors Yakov had mentioned. A flute of champagne found its way into Yuuri's hand, and he sipped at it gratefully as he made nice with the people he spoke to, sorely wishing he had Victor's confidence when it came to these situations. 

 

Upside: Victor's hand found his again, their fingers easily weaving together after they stepped away from the throng of people and towards a less crowded spot.

 

Victor blew out a breath, sounding exhausted, and took another long swig of his champagne. Yuuri almost did the same before noticing his flute was empty.  _Oops._

 

"Well, that was tiring," Victor said, sounding especially  _done_ with everything as he set his glass aside and retrieving a full one from the nearby table.

 

It surprised Yuuri, considering how energetic Victor had been as they made their way through the banquet. "Is it always? I'm not exactly used to...all of this," he said, gesturing towards the room in general. 

 

Victor laughed softly, offering Yuuri the glass of champagne he'd just gotten and plucking the empty one from his fingers. "I guess I'm too used to it. All the smiling you have to do, all the conversation..." He gave yet another heavy sigh, and for a moment his eyes betrayed true exhaustion before regaining their brightness. "It was fun and exciting the first few times, but I think I'd rather catch up on my reading, or take Makkachin on a very long walk."

 

Yuuri stared at the man for a long time, watching him take a short sip of his champagne. He actually hadn't imagined that response, had he? Taking a sip of his own champagne, Yuuri hesitated before asking, "...What books do you like to read?"

 

"Anything, really," Victor exclaimed, his smile reaching his eyes again. "I just never seem to have the time or energy to just sit down and finish something, other than when I'm on a plane."

 

Distracted by the bright look in Victor's eyes, Yuuri almost didn't notice the red-haired girl making her way towards them, standing next to Victor with a grumpy look on her face as she glared towards the gathered people. "Yuri is being a little shit," she said, arms crossed over her chest.

 

Yuuri blinked at her, thoroughly shocked and confused. Were the Russians out to get him? "Excuse me?"

 

Victor laughed again, a soothing hand falling on Yuuri's shoulder as he explained, "She means  _our_ Yuri. Mila, this is Yuuri Katsuki. Yuuri, this is my rinkmate, Mila Babicheva."

 

The pretty young woman greeted Yuuri with a smile as she made her way to him. "It's nice to finally meet you! Sorry about that, but our Yuri's already acting like he's won next year's gold. As the ladies' bronze medalist, it's a little infuriating."

 

Yuuri took her hand when she offered it, shaking it and smiling back. The reminder of the caustic teen rattled him slightly, but then Victor said, "Truth be told he watched your routines almost as much as I did. He's a bit of a fan, but refuses to admit it."

 

He gaped at both Russian skaters, caught completely off-guard by Victor's words. " _Yuri Plisetsky?_ A  _fan?"_ he asked incredulously. unable to reconcile the title with the very vivid memory of a glaring Russian hellion.

 

"Hard to believe, isn't it?" Mila asked, eyeing the champagne glasses for a moment before looking up at Victor with a smirk. "You know he's not going to stop hounding you about that choreography you promised, right?"

 

Victor's eyes widened and he let out a soft groan as he rubbed his forehead. "God, thank you for reminding me."

 

"What choreography?" Yuuri asked.

 

Still smiling while looking slightly chagrined, Victor explained, "I promised Yuri a choreographed routine for his senior debut some time ago. I've had a lot on my mind, and none of it included inspiration for another program." He then stared at the glass in his hand with a thoughtful expression, his gaze almost absent as he added, "I like telling stories through my choreography, and I can do no less for Yuri. It needs to be perfect. It needs to be memorable and appropriate...and nothing like the routines he's used to doing."

 

His eyes glowed with enthusiasm, and Yuuri could tell that this meant a great deal to him. "That's really nice of you."

 

Victor smiled sheepishly, a soft blush brightening his cheeks. "It won't be nice if I forget. I was trying to get him away from Yakov's bad side with a bribe. Yuri's his second biggest headache, after myself."

 

"I resent that," Mila said dryly as she lightly elbowed the older man's arm.

 

"Pardon me. You're both tied for second."

 

"Thank you! Now tell me," she said, turning her sharpened gaze on Yuuri's and smiling widely in a way that frightened him a little. " _Why didn't you mention you had a date tonight?"_

 

Yuuri turned red from head to toe, completely speechless (and missing Victor blushing almost as much while blinking at a beaming Mila). He stammered in an attempt to reply, not knowing if he should correct Mila or confirm her suspicions. _No, no, no, no, no wishful thinking, Yuuri. You already know that Victor's being nice. He's always nice to his fans, and he'll do no less for you even if you're totally unimpressive compared to-_

 

"Who's on a date?"

 

In the midst of his mental ramblings, Yuuri didn't notice Mila's little look of dismay when someone appeared behind Yuuri, who went still and silent at the sound of Yuri Plisetsky's voice. He paled when he turned and saw the youth, who was sneering at him openly. "Wow. You actually came through, Victor? And you actually showed your face?"

 

"My coach would've made me come anyway," Yuuri replied in subdued tones, forcing himself to keep his gaze on Yuri.  _I can't keep letting him intimidate me. Especially not in front of Victor._

 

Then Mila reached over to give Yuri's hair a sharp tug, and Yuuri swore the boy snarled at her. "Don't be such a jerk, Yura! Especially after you couldn't stop watching his routines during your water breaks," she said, winking at Yuuri encouragingly.

 

"Shut up, hag," Yuri hissed at Mila.

 

"Make me, kitten." 

 

Another laugh from Victor drew Yuuri's gaze back to him, finding him giving the younger pair an indulgent gaze. Yuuri guessed that this wasn't an unusual occurrence at their rink, and his tension eased a little at the thought. Just a little. Clearing his throat yet again, Yuuri did his best to keep his voice steady as he said to Yuri, "I didn't get a chance to congratulate you on your win."

 

Yuri gave him a shrug, not even looking him in the eye. "It was easy. It'll be even easier next year after Victor finishes choreographing a routine for me,  _like he promised,"_ he said with a pointed stare at Victor.

 

"When was this?" Victor asked, eyes going wide as he gave Yuri an innocent look.

 

" _ARE YOU SERIOUS?"_ Yuri exclaimed in outrage, and Yuuri dreaded turning around and finding people staring at them.

 

Victor just smiled and stroked Yuri's hair as one would stroke a cat, brightly telling him, "You'll have a wonderful routine soon, Yura, don't worry. Just do your part and win at Junior Worlds."

 

Yuuri watched some of the fight leave Yuri's green eyes, though he kept glaring at Victor as he growled, "You'd better be telling the truth, you Soviet relic."

 

Drawing his hand away, Victor sighed mournfully as he placed it on his chest. "That hurts, Yura. Right here." 

 

Yuuri couldn't help but laugh, his genuine amusement spiking just for a brief moment. Victor turned to look at him at the sound of it, and his hand stayed right where it was over his chest. 

 

Blushing again, Yuuri blinked and looked away while Mila effortlessly hauled a ranting Yuri away, and suddenly he was, once more, alone with Victor. He knew he must have looked awkward, standing there and looking anywhere other than the other man whose attention was focused on Yuuri.

 

Why was it, though? What was  _this_ , really?

 

"More champagne, Yuuri?" he heard Victor ask, and looked up to see him holding another glass of the bubbling liquid.

 

"I'd better not. I get a little unhinged when I drink too much." Then his mouth snapped shut, and Yuuri wondered why he'd been idiotic enough to admit that to the most graceful man in existence.  _How much have I had to drink?_

 

Victor's eyes lit up with amusement at the confession. "Is that so? Any wild nights that you look back on fondly?"

 

"...Nothing too wild, actually," Yuuri admitted. "I end up forgetting what went on, but everyone would always tell me I'd start dancing with my shirt off before I found my way back home."  _Why. Why did you say that._

 

Victor laughed again, probably picturing Yuuri during one of his more embarrassing moments. "Then maybe you should drink a bit more. It'd certainly liven up these banquets," he suggested, sipping his champagne.

 

"Not a chance," Yuuri replied, letting himself smile with an ease he thought he'd never feel again after the past few days. 

 

"So other than getting blackout drunk and giving your friends strip teases, what else do you do in Detroit?" Victor asked, curiosity in his eyes. 

 

"Well right now I'm finishing up a degree in English and marketing," Yuuri explained, hoping he didn't make it sound too boring. "It took an extra year, but it was worth it." 

 

"I bet it was," Victor said. "Your parents must have been very supportive."

 

His words brought a familiar ache to Yuuri's chest, along with a guilty twinge. "They really have been," he said quietly. "They don't know much about skating, but they never miss any big competitions on television or online, if they can help it."  _I bet they wish they missed this one,_ a voice in the back of his mind said, though he kept smiling so he wouldn't tip Victor off to his thoughts. 

 

Victor hummed thoughtfully, quiet for a moment before asking, "Where in Japan are you from?"

 

"Hasetsu," he immediately answered. "My parents and sister run an  _onsen_ -a hot springs resort, I mean."

 

"That sounds so much fun!" Victor exclaimed, looking very interested before his gaze turned wistful. He sighed heavily and admitted in much softer tones, "I wish I could just...pick up and go see these hot springs for myself."

 

"Y-you could, you know," Yuuri offered, his heart rate picking up at his quiet but daring words. 

 

Victor's eyes widened briefly in surprise. "Oh? Is that an invitation?"

 

Yuuri's face felt hot as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying to imagine Victor in his family's _onsen_. "...It may not be as impressive as the places you're used to, but-"

 

"I'm sure it is," Victor declared, putting a fingertip to his smiling lips as he looked at Yuuri. "You got this look in your eye when you talked about it. Like it's your favorite place in the world."

 

Yuuri gave a slight shrug as he looked back at Victor sheepishly. "I miss it. I haven't visited since I left five years ago."

 

Surprise flooded Victor's gaze, followed by something resembling pity. "That's a long time, Yuuri."

 

"College and skating didn't really leave room for much else," Yuuri explained quietly, homesickness summoning yet another ache.  _I didn't even get to see Vicchan..._

 

He felt his throat start to close, and he fought down the threat of tears as he listened to Victor ask, "So once you have your degree, do you think you'll go home?"

 

Yuuri knew he was fighting a losing battle with his strained emotions, and kept staring at the floor as he replied in a tight voice, "I think I have to..."

 

How stupid was he to think he could hide his turmoil from Victor? He flinched when the man's soft hand found its way to his chin, gently tipping his face up to meet Victor's concerned gaze. "Are you alright?"

 

Yuuri blinked several times, hating himself for not being able to hide his emotions well enough. "It's stupid," he murmured, fists clenched at his sides and nails digging into his palms. 

 

"I'm sure it isn't," Victor said softly. "Maybe it'll help if you talked about it?"

 

But he had. With his sister, his mother, Phichit, people who knew him and cared about him, and still it hurt like nothing else. Still, Yuuri felt his resolve crumble beneath Victor's soothingly warm gaze, and he swallowed before saying in a strained voice, "The reason I messed up my free skate was..." He sighed shakily and closed his eyes before continuing. "My sister called to tell me my...my dog died."

 

He felt Victor's hand fall away from his chin, and Yuuri braced himself for the laughter, the mocking words.

 

They never came. What did come was a very tight hug, one that took Yuuri's breath away as he found himself warmly wrapped in Victor's arms, face half-tucked in Victor's shoulder. He couldn't breathe, couldn't _move_ as he felt Victor's hand stroke his hair in soothing motions, voice filled with emotion as he whispered, "I'm so sorry, Yuuri. You poor thing, it's no wonder you couldn't perform!"

 

Yuuri didn't quite know how to react, but he did register something familiar flowing through him, much like the feeling of relief that came with letting go and having a good cry. Some of the tension that had begun to gather in his body melted away as Victor held him, and he took a deep breath and let it out as he settled into the hug, and hid his face in Victor's shoulder with a murmured, "Thanks..."

 

Victor kept holding him, and there were no words between them for a few moments until he said, "...If you cry I think I should warn you I'm useless when people start crying. Should I just keep hugging you?"

 

A shaky laugh found its way out of Yuuri's mouth as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to actually cry. "...Yeah...Sorry, it's just...I had no idea I needed this," he admitted, suddenly wondering if he should wrap his arms around Victor's waist.  _Don't push it, Yuuri._

 

Then he froze again at a sudden, brief press of soft lips to his head, followed by a whisper of, "You poor thing." Then Victor gently drew Yuuri back to face him, pressing their foreheads together as he gazed at Yuuri, saying, "And it is not stupid. If it had been my Makkachin, I would've been a wreck." 

 

Yuuri closed his eyes with yet another sigh, taking in the sensation of Victor's skin touching his. His mind didn't go wild with the excitement of being in such close contact with his idol, or even because said idol had kissed him. No, his mind was starting to settle thanks to the gentle contact with another person. He swallowed and said with a slightly embarrassed smile, "I think I'm going to need that drink."

 

Victor smiled back and let Yuuri go. "Let me get it for you."

 

Yuuri took it gratefully, sipping it slowly and letting the warmth settle him. "Thank you," he said, voice still strained with tears he sorely wanted to shed. "Last one for tonight. I really...shouldn't overdo it," he said, nervously eyeing the other people who had probably noticed their display.

 

"How long did you have your dog?" Victor asked gently.

 

"I had him almost ten years. Ten years and he just got sick..." Yuuri took another sip, not wanting to remember the details as told to him over the phone.

 

"What was his name?"

 

He froze, cold dread filling his stomach as he realized _who_ he was telling all of this to. Of course he also felt foolish for not having asked himself how he'd broach the subject of his dog's  _name_ if he ever actually got to meet Victor. "...It's...kind of embarrassing," he said, blushing once again.

 

Victor rolled his eyes and said, "Yuri has a cat named Puma Tiger Scorpion. You can't really beat that."

 

 _Oh, yes I can,_ Yuuri thought, admittedly a bit amused by Yuri's naming choices. Still, there was no use prolonging it, and he looked down at his shoes as he slowly replied, "...I kind of...named him after you." And there it was, and his neck grew very warm as he felt Victor's gaze on him. "You must think I'm a freak," he muttered, too embarrassed to look at him.

 

"No! No, I'm honored!" he heard Victor exclaim.

 

"I was a kid! I didn't think I'd ever get to meet you, and-"

 

But the other man's hand found his clenched one again, coaxing it open so he could take it in both of his. "I'm flattered, Yuuri. Really," he told him with a brief squeeze of his fingers.

 

He dared to look up, and found a very pleased smile on the other man's face. Yuuri let his guard down again, grateful that he hadn't shamed himself too badly, and cleared his throat. "...Thanks for the hug."

 

"Anytime," Victor said warmly, waiting a moment before letting Yuuri's hand go. "So you mentioned a sister?"

 

"Older sister. Mari. She works at the hot springs with our parents," he explained, tempted to reach over and take Victor's hand again. But would it be unwelcome? Would Victor think him desperate or clingy?

 

Now his heart  _was_ going wild, almost like a delayed reaction as his mind finally caught up to how many things he'd previously thought unlikely had just happened in the span of twenty-four hours.

 

Victor Nikiforov knew he existed.

 

Victor Nikiforov asked him out on a...not-a-date.

 

Victor Nikiforov had held his hand throughout the evening.

 

Victor had hugged him with such warmth and sweetly consoling words.

 

Yuuri realized that he'd practically had Victor's attention to himself.

 

Then he remembered that kiss. Friendly and kind, without a doubt. Nowhere near the lips.

 

But still.

 

The smile on Victor's face was full of genuine interest as Yuuri told him about life in Hasetsu, and he cut in every so often with questions about his home rink and how ballet had paved the way for his skating.

 

 

It felt...good to see Victor so fascinated.

 

Then again, Yuuri wondered if he was doing too good a job putting on an act. Did Victor really find him so fascinating? A dime-a-dozen skater who got a lucky break and wasted it by choking during his free skate?

 

But watching Victor's face...Yuuri prided himself on being familiar with the effortless smiles Victor could pull off even when caught by surprise. He'd fantasized about being the recipient of one of those flawless smiles, of one of those flirtatious winks that made everyone swoon. 

 

The smiles Victor was giving him now were ones Yuuri hadn't seen since Victor was a teenager. Russia's darling at sixteen, confident and joyful on the ice, and friendly and congenial off the ice. The open smile on Victor's face reminded him of the photo where Victor, long-haired and beaming, was hugging Makkachin.

 

He remembered gazing at the image for what felt like hours, his crush firmly cemented.

 

And Yuuri could feel said crush showing its smug face as Victor's hand brushed his again, and he swore the gesture was almost...timid. Hesitant, even.

 

Those eyes were on him again, gaze the total opposite of fleeting and disinterested.

 

Yuuri had to make sure he was still breathing, his heart beating fast as he dared to keep his eyes on that increasingly warm gaze, seeing all sorts of unidentifiable things within it. 

 

_...Please let this be a date._

 

It was such a foolish thought. Yuuri was a grown man, and he didn't need to fill his own head with- _Victor was holding his hand again._

 

"You know...you really do deserve to be here, Yuuri," Victor told him, with that same open expression on his face. "And no doubt you'll deserve to be in next year's final."

 

"How can you be so sure?" Yuuri asked with a slight frown. He wasn't exactly drunk, but what he'd indulged in was enough to make him brave enough to question Victor's assertion. "I got lucky, and it might not happen again. Even the press thinks so."

 

"Forget about the press," Victor said with gentle firmness. 

 

Yuuri couldn't help the softly bitter laugh he let out. "Yeah, that's what my coach said."

 

Once again Victor's hand found his chin to turn his face towards his. "The press doesn't always know what it's talking about. They don't know you or what goes on in your head. And frankly you don't owe them a detailed explanation. You just smile and look as confident as you can."

 

"That's easy for you to say," Yuuri replied, setting his champagne flute on the table to pinch the bridge of his nose. "You're the most confident person I know. You do it so easily."

 

"It's never easy," he heard Victor say quietly.

 

He looked up, surprised by the man's words, and felt the need to ask what he meant. He caught a second of true exhaustion in those blue eyes and he knew he wasn't imagining it.  _Oh._

 

But Victor instead said, "Nerves and setbacks don't mean you're weak. Confiding in people doesn't mean you're weak. Everything you've told me..." Tenderness filled those eyes, and his hand gave Yuuri's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "...You're much stronger than you realize. And more talented. You just hold yourself back more than you should, and it definitely shows."

 

The blunt comment was given with such lightness that Yuuri laughed shakily again. "What do you suggest then?"

 

"Leaving your comfort zone," Victor stated simply, eyes blazing with intent. "Literally jumping out of it. I know you deserve another chance, Yuuri, and your job is to believe it and prove it. Win at the Final next year, and we'll have another date."

 

Yuuri hadn't noticed him inching closer until they were almost chest to chest, and Victor's gaze was wholly on him, heated and coaxing as his thumb grazed Yuuri's bottom lip. He couldn't breathe, feeling heat crawl through his body and gather in his cheeks again as he stared at the other man.

 

_Wait, did he just say-_

 

"This is a date?" he blurted out, blinking at Victor as his heart raced faster.

 

To his total surprise, Victor blushed too, that confident look fleeing his face as he quietly asked, "What do you think?"

 

He sounded so  _hopeful_.

 

_What the hell is going on?_

 

Were this a dream this would probably be the part when he woke up, disappointment filling his chest as euphoria vanished from his mind. He'd scramble to recover the fleeing memories, his efforts futile as he settled back into his reality.

 

No. The waking up point had come and gone, leaving with it a myriad of things Yuuri never once thought he'd learn about Victor Nikiforov.

 

"...I wouldn't mind if it was," he finally managed, shocked by how easily the words came to him. "Because it's been a pretty good one so far."

 

Victor smiled with a small sound of relief, and Yuuri wanted to play it back again so he could make sure he memorized it. He'd done that. He'd done  _that_.

 

 _What's happening?_ he asked himself as Victor's hand curled beneath his jaw, thumb tracing his cheek. _Stuff like this just...doesn't happen, does it?_

 

Apparently it did, and it was happening to Yuuri. Live and in color.

 

Then he gave a violent jolt at the feeling of a firm pat on his shoulder, and Victor looked no less surprised. Yuuri turned to find Christophe Giacometti grinning at him with a look that said,  _Very nice_. His green eyes narrowed as soon as they fell on Victor, flashing with steel as he said in light tones, "Might as well say goodbye, Yuuri, because I'm about to have this man arrested for stealing the gold,  _again_."

 

"Such slander is unbecoming, Christophe," Victor replied with a pout. Yuuri, meanwhile, blushed at being caught in the middle of a decidedly intimate moment with Victor (good God, it had actually happened, hadn't it?). "Just try again next year!"

 

But Christophe merely shook his head gravely. "Next year you're just going to do the same thing again, and I'll make the same threat again. I bet it'll be the same boring banquet. At least you have a looker on your arm this year," he added with a wink in Yuuri's direction.

 

"I do, don't I?" Victor asked, shooting Yuuri another fond smile. 

 

Yuuri smiled back, cheeks ablaze with heat. "Thanks for that, Chris." 

 

"Anytime," the Swiss skater replied, and Yuuri looked up in time to see him looking at Victor with thinly-veiled curiosity. Noticing Yuuri's gaze on him, Chris smiled brightly as though nothing were out of the ordinary. "I doubt you two lovebirds have noticed, but you're the talk of the party!"

 

Giving him a blank stare, Yuuri asked with dread, "What do you mean?"

 

"You two honestly didn't think people wouldn't notice the pride of Japan and Russia's darling making their way through the party hand in hand?" Christophe asked with a roll of his eyes. "And especially that cute little embrace you two shared? Precious."

 

 _And I'm dead_ , Yuuri thought as the room threatened to spin around him. Christophe was right, he was naive to think no one would notice. The lingering squeeze from Victor's hand helped ground him, and he heard the man reply breezily, "See, Yuuri? Our date saved the banquet!"

 

He hung on to Victor's hand and the sound of his voice, steadying himself again as he blew out an anxious breath. He looked around at the guests and other skaters, and indeed saw Mila Babicheva saying something to Sara Crispino, who was looking right at Yuuri with a delighted expression. She waved at him, and Yuuri saw her brother catch sight of the gesture, following her line of sight until his eyes fell on Yuuri. His eyes narrowed in a hard glare, and Yuuri wearily thought,  _I guess he's still threatening to kill anyone who so much as glances at his sister._

 

"You know what might make it memorable?" he heard Victor ask, and turned to find an excited look on his face.

 

"What?"

 

"If you danced with me." 

 

Yuuri was quite sure his heart was close to giving out. Christophe laughed exuberantly beside them, saying, "How very smooth, Victor. I'm impressed!"

 

But Yuuri could only look at the muted hope and excitement in Victor's eyes, taking it in as his mind spun with all the possibilities. There really was no waking up from this. "Okay," he breathed, keeping his eyes on Victor.

 

He just kept breathing as he and Victor joined hands, barely listening as Christophe said, "I'll give you some help with that, lovebirds," before disappearing from Yuuri's peripherals. 

 

He must have arranged for different music to play, filling the room with something other than the quiet tune meant as background noise. Who Christophe must have convinced, Yuuri didn't know, and in that moment he wasn't going to bother asking. But he did want to thank him later for clearing a space for them to dance on.

 

Had Yuuri not been focusing on Victor's hands in his he would have remembered to blush more than he already was, and remembered to wish he could hide from the dozens of eyes already watching them, some belonging to those who had witnessed Yuuri's loss, and were probably wondering why Victor Nikiforov was giving him all of his attention.

 

It was a good thing he was incapable of remembering to do any of those things, becoming aware of the spirited tune playing around them as Victor's hand found its way to the small of his back, drawing him closer, and Yuuri exhaled shakily just as they began to dance.

 

His senses was entirely focused on him and Victor moving across the provided space. He heard the music and the sound of their feet on the floor. He smelled that pleasant scent of Victor's, adding to his euphoria. He felt the heat of Victor's hand on his back and the hand gripping his.

 

 _What am I doing here?_ he asked himself, slightly amused even as he kept his eyes on Victor's face, feeling his skin burn beneath the intensity of the man's warm blue gaze.  _I'm almost sure this wasn't supposed to happen. Not to me._

 

But it was indeed happening, and Victor was most certainly dancing with him with enthusiasm and focus, drawing a sharp inhale from Yuuri when he surprised him with a low dip. He brought him back up with a smirk, whispering to a dazed Yuuri, "Beautiful."

 

 _You're beautiful_ , Yuuri thought, surprised his legs hadn't turned to liquid. But he was proud that he was keeping up, and an impressed noise from their audience broke through the fog in his mind.  _You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen._

 

Those blue eyes still beheld him with such warmth, and Yuuri let himself smile with all the excitement threatening to burst out of his chest. He met Victor's delighted look with one of his own as they moved more ambitiously, Victor long, graceful, and trusting as he let Yuuri hold on to him. More clapping. More whistles.

 

More brilliant light from Victor's eyes, and Yuuri's heart kept up its desperate race. 

 

_I don't want this to end._

 

Not the banquet. Not the dance. But the way Victor was looking at him, and the look of genuine enjoyment on his face.

 

 _How did I get this lucky?_ he thought as he took his turn dipping Victor, greedily taking in the sound of the man's shaky breath as he drew him back up with little effort and the sight of his long throat bobbing as he swallowed.  _How could I know that this would happen?_

 

Yuuri knew he wanted something, he knew that despite his fortune he only had a small window to reach for it. His breaths grew harder at the naked wonder on Victor's face, those perfect lips slightly parted as they danced. He wanted to trace them with his fingers to see if they were as soft as they looked.

 

More than that, he wanted...

 

One more dip as the music came to an end, lasting forever as Yuuri gazed up at the man holding him so carefully, gaze ardent as he too fought for breath. Yuuri's eyes fell on those lips again as Victor slowly drew him back up again, applause roaring in his ears almost as loud as the sound of his heart pounding.

 

He didn't move for a moment, chest touching Victor's as the man held him close, their hands still joined. He moved the hand that was on Victor's shoulder, didn't breathe as he curled it around the back of his neck, and tugged Victor towards him as he leaned up to press their lips together.

 

_Your lips are soft._

 

For just a moment Yuuri felt him stiffen in his arms, then felt him practically melt as he slanted his mouth over Yuuri's with a soft sound that made Yuuri shiver pleasantly.

 

It was simple. Not something that would be called explosive. But then why did Yuuri feel like the world had shifted?

 

He kept his hand on Victor's neck as they came apart, Victor darting back in to brush their lips together with a soft sigh as Yuuri remembered to breathe again. That was when he heard the clapping and whistles in all their sharpness, and he realized just  _what_ he'd done and how many people had witnessed it.

 

"I just kissed you," he said in hushed tones, his face on fire.

 

"Yes you did," Victor said with quiet delight as he pressed their foreheads together. "Want to do it again?" he asked right before framing Yuuri's face with his hands and drawing him in for another kiss.

 

It lasted longer, Yuuri letting Victor take the lead as his lips moved over his. No doubt people were recording this and it would make for an unexpected sequel to the selfie Victor posted the day before. He closed his eyes, telling himself to enjoy it even as his heart raced with shock and happiness. Even as he awkwardly placed his hands on Victor's waist, not sure what else to do with them.

 

When they parted again Yuuri took a deep breath and looked at the people around them, catching the look of wide-eyed surprise on Yuri Plisetsky's face as he recorded everything on his phone. Mila and Sara were doing the same, and so were many of the people watching.

 

They weren't laughing, at least. No, Yuuri was entirely surrounded by looks of surprise. Even so it felt like too much, especially when Yuuri was feeling everything so acutely.

 

He looked up at Victor, not knowing what the man saw in his face just then that made him quietly say, "Come with me."

 

Yuuri nodded readily, not taking his eyes off of Victor as he took him by the hand and quickly led him out.

 

In no way was his heartbeat slowing down anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and Phichit just missed the _second_ greatest moment in all of human history
> 
> COMMENT!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri didn't realize how overheated he'd been until Victor led him out of the banquet by the hand, the suddenly suffocating air releasing him from its hold as they got away from the people who just moments before had been watching them, utterly enthralled.

 

He found himself standing by the elevator, panting hard as he gazed avidly at Victor, smiling at the sight of him pressing the call button several times as if it'd make the elevator arrive faster.

 

A soft laugh escaped him, and he blushed at the sound. More so when it drew Victor's gaze back to him. Those blue eyes almost seemed to glow as they beheld him, and Yuuri could feel millions of butterflies in his stomach when Victor came near.

 

"So adorable," he heard the man breathe before finding himself pressed against the wall and Victor's lips on his again. Yuuri gasped sharply at the unexpected feeling of a wet tongue slipping between his parted lips, hands flying up to clutch at Victor's shoulders as he melted into the kiss, lightning racing up his spine as Victor started to take him apart.

 

 _This is happening,_ he thought as those soft lips left his, unconsciously chasing after them as Victor gave him another fond and playful look.  _This is actually happening._

 

The elevator gave a loud ding that made Yuuri flinch, Victor giving him a reassuring squeeze before tugging him through the open elevator doors.

 

Yuuri swallowed and tried to catch his breath, listening to the sounds of the doors closing and Victor's breathing as he held on to him by the waist, keeping their foreheads pressed together. Yuuri stared up at him, struck silent by those vividly blue eyes. He was a second away from being embarrassed by his silence when Victor sighed raggedly and closed his eyes, hands coaxing Yuuri closer still.

 

Still staring, Yuuri didn't know what to call the feelings crossing Victor's face. He hesitated to call it fear, worry, or anxiety, but then the hands at the small of his back gave tiny twitches that he couldn't ignore.

 

"Can you believe we actually did that?" Victor finally said in a soft voice, filled with wonder. 

 

Yuuri shook his head, daring to press harder against Victor's forehead, silver hair tickling at his eyelids. "No! I can't believe I did that. I...I actually..."

 

"You surprised yourself, didn't you?" the older man asked, opening his eyes again and giving Yuuri that same soft look. Yuuri would have replied were it not for the elevator doors opening, and it wasn't until Victor had led him out of it that he noticed they weren't on Yuuri's floor.

 

 _Victor's room_ , he thought excitedly as he held tight to the man's hand.  _I'm going to Victor's room._

 

Yuuri was certainly not going to survive the smug look on Phichit's face when he found out he'd been right all along.

 

They stopped at his door, Victor fumbling with the card key and briefly letting go of Yuuri's hand to open the door to let them inside. Yuuri went in first, feeling like his heart would go flying out of his chest as soon as he was inside and the lights came on. 

 

He stood immobile, stricken by what being in this room with the other man meant, and how woefully unprepared he was. He wondered how long he could pretend he knew  _exactly_ what he was doing before Victor caught on and laughed him out of the room. Hell, maybe out of the sport altogether. 

 

He gave a jolt a small gasp when Victor's hands stroked up his arms, curling over his shoulders and giving them a greedy squeeze as he rested his chin on one of them, the entire warm length of his body draped over Yuuri's back. Lips descended onto Yuuri's ear in a soft kiss, and Victor's murmur made Yuuri shiver with a barely disguised sigh of delight. "Do you make a habit of kissing people after dancing with them?"

 

 _Just at parties_ , he thought, remembering his embarrassing first attempt with a crush. But no way was he going to talk about that with Victor. "No, actually," he said, wishing he could say something bolder, something that would excite the other man.

 

Then Victor let him go, brushing his ear with his lips once again before moving in front of him, taking his hand again and leading him along with a soft smile. Victor sat down on the edge of the bed, thumb gently stroking over the dip between Yuuri's middle and ring fingers as the younger man watched him, cheeks ablaze with heat.  _He's on the bed he's on the bed he's on the bed._

 

"Let's do something absolutely wicked, Yuuri," Victor said softly.

 

Yuuri nervously licked his lips, which were still buzzing from the earlier kisses. "...Really...?" he asked a little incredulously, trying to put the brakes on his wandering mind before it tried to show him the many different ways this could go wrong.  _Don't think about anything, don't think about how he'll probably want someone more experienced, someone who didn't run away from their first kiss..._

 

He wanted to be ready for this, so much. To just throw caution to the wind and fulfill every fantasy he could in the short amount of time they had together.  _What's wrong with me? I'm here with Victor. Why do I want to back off?_ He'd dreamed about this precise scenario for years, but standing in front of the man, who looked ready to devour him...

 

As Yuuri's heart pounded, Victor gave him a single nod. "Yes..." Then he let Yuuri's hand go and rapidly stretched his arm out to grab the room's phone, declaring with an excitedly mischievous smile, "Let's call room service!"

 

A bizarre mixture of disappointment and relief filled Yuuri's chest, but even so he had to laugh at the enthusiasm in Victor's voice as he made the suggestion. "Right!" Yuuri exclaimed, trying to calm his heart down as he sat beside Victor and nodded in agreement. "Good idea! You're still hungry too?"

 

"Starving. You noticed we didn't eat much?"

 

"No, actually..." He really hadn't. What he had done was drink and talk and dance, too busy learning more about Victor than he ever thought he would. Once all he might have hoped for was a friendly word and a selfie or two, not Victor pressing him against walls and kissing him the way Yuuri wanted to be kissed. 

 

And the hug. He couldn't forget about the hug. 

 

He quietly watched Victor as he shrugged his jacket off and loosened his tie, wondering just what the other man saw when he looked at him. An easy conquest? A hopelessly unimpressive figure skater who got lucky enough to make it to the Final? He couldn't be entirely sure, and that scared him a little. What was he doing in this room? Why was Victor so...interested in him? Once again Yuuri wondered what Victor saw in his face, because he looked slightly worried again. "Are you alright?"

 

Yuuri immediately replied, "Fine! Perfectly fine!" He knew his voice sounded tellingly bright, and Victor's gaze was entirely too discerning, picking him apart while Yuuri could only try not to stare too long and blush. 

 

But then Victor smiled at him again, something unexpectedly soothing that made Yuuri's heart give a weak flutter. He knew Victor had a beautiful smile, but this was something different, and he couldn't help smiling back in response. "At least now we have a bit of privacy," Victor said, reaching for Yuuri's hand and covering it with his.

 

Swallowing, Yuuri just nodded again, wishing he were better at these things. "Yeah. Privacy to eat and..."  _And? And what? That thing you're so nervous about?_ He shut his mouth, knowing it would dig him further into a potentially awkward situation with Victor.

 

He knew it was too late when an entire moment passed and Victor was still staring at him, and looked up to find a vivid blush spreading across his face as he looked at Yuuri with a wide-eyed expression. "Oh. Oh, you thought..."

 

 _WHAT HAVE YOU DONE_. Yuuri scrambled for a way out, blinking at him with what he hoped was an innocent look. "Thought what?" Then he wanted to kick himself as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

 

But then Victor covered his eyes with his hand, looking abashed. "I'm sorry, Yuuri! I didn't think of what it'd look like when I brought you up here."

 

 _Well, what else was it supposed to look like?!_  Yuuri thought incredulously, feeling a minute flare of irritation. Still, he cleared his throat and replied in a chagrined tone, "No, it's fine. I shouldn't have assumed-"

 

"It's an easy assumption to make, considering I all but tossed you over my shoulder," Victor interrupted with a sheepish look.

 

 _And thank you for that mental image_ , Yuuri thought, wrestling with the small waves of disappointment continuing to hit him relentlessly. He could only stare down at his shoes, trying to keep the casual expression on his face and knowing he was failing miserably. 

 

Then Victor grabbed his chin, tilting his face up to kiss him again. It was sweet and quick, Yuuri shivering at a quick nip to his bottom lip as Victor drew away, breath washing over Yuuri's lips as he murmured, "Believe me, I would love to take this further, but unfortunately..." He let Yuuri go, and Yuuri's eyes opened again to find that same sheepish look on Victor's face. "I don't have lube or condoms with me," he added, looking mildly embarrassed. "And...it would give us time to take things slowly."

 

"Oh." Yuuri couldn't help but be surprised, and almost forgot to feel... _incredibly_ flattered when Victor assured him that he wasn't against them doing something beyond calling room service, were things different. The words were more than thrilling, and Yuuri had to fight down the triumphant smile his face ached to make. Instead he asked quietly, "Does your coach have rules about...this sort of thing during competitions?"

 

"...No," Victor replied simply, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck.

 

"Oh." Well now Yuuri felt even more embarrassed after asking. This was definitely going about as well as he imagined it would. 

 

"What, did you think I had a different lover for every day of the week?" Victor suddenly asked lightly, a very curious expression on his face. 

 

Yuuri was going to die tonight, but at least it would be after Victor had kissed him. "N-no! Nothing like that," he stammered out, not wanting to discuss any of the things he had imagined about Victor and sex...and having sex with Victor. 

 

"Yes you did," Victor said teasingly, grinning as Yuuri silently hoped for a quick and painless death. "I'll bet that your love life's more impressive than mine."

 

Yuuri sighed at the man's assertion, knowing he couldn't keep this up even if he tried. "Well, you'd lose that bet," he muttered, choking down the misery that wanted to peter out into his voice. "I mean...I've never..." He trailed off with another sigh, anxiously clutching the sheet underneath him. 

 

He felt Victor's gaze on him again, and closed his eyes to dissipate the feeling. Then Victor asked softly, "...Never had a lover?"

 

Yuuri shook his head. Brief encounter or not, Yuuri wasn't sure if he would've been able to fake his way through it. "Never anything. Just a kiss. Pathetic, right?" he asked, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

 

"Why pathetic?" Victor asked, Yuuri feeling his long fingers carding through his hair. He inhaled sharply at the gesture and the gentle weight of Victor's hand on his head. "It's not like it's a race, Yuuri."

 

Yuuri gave a small shrug, looking at his shoes again and saying, "It feels like it sometimes. I mean I just turned twenty-three, and..." He trailed off, wondering how it was that he was talking about this to Victor, of all people. At best he'd expected to be sent on his way with a pitying smile, but Victor was still touching him. Still sitting beside him and talking to him in such sweet tones.

 

"You said yourself you've had other priorities. I don't think you're pathetic at all," Victor said before leaning in and giving Yuuri's cheek a brief kiss. "No wonder you seemed so nervous," he breathed against Yuuri's skin, surely feeling his shiver as he trailed his lips down to the spot just beneath Yuuri's ear. He smiled as he pressed another soft kiss there, Yuuri exhaling shakily at the sensation. Giving Yuuri's hand another reassuring squeeze, Victor drew away and softly said, "We don't have to rush things, you know. I may have brought you up here, but I'd love for us to...take our time, maybe?"

 

"It's just...What if I don't see you again?" Yuuri asked, heart already aching as he laid it bare.

 

Victor drew his gaze to his again, and Yuuri stopped breathing at the fiercely decisive look in Victor's blue eyes. "I am very determined to see you again, Yuuri. And again, and again. Or did you forget that I promised you another date?"

 

"Yeah, next year's banquet," Yuuri replied, keeping his eyes on Victor's and quietly daring him to deny it.  _You know I won't make it again_ , he thought.

 

"Did I say that? Well, I changed my mind. I want another one soon." Then Victor darted in for another kiss, as though sealing the deal. When it ended and Yuuri's lips were tingling again, Victor added, "And we can do other things. Like more kissing. What do you think?"

 

Yuuri unconsciously licked his lips, dizzy at the thought of how many times Victor had surprised him with enthusiastic and greedy kisses. "...Kissing's good," he replied quietly, silently willing those soft, gorgeous lips back to his. His heart just raced when he went over Victor's words in his mind. Victor wanted to date him. Victor wanted to kiss him, and one day do more than kiss.

 

Victor gave him another sweet smile before kissing him again, and Yuuri leaned in closer, lifting shaky hands to rest on Victor's solid shoulders. He yielded to the dizzying pleasure, feeling Victor's hands on his face, feeling his tongue flick against his and hearing the soft, contented sounds from the man's throat as they went on for several moments.

 

Gently tugging them apart, Victor pressed their foreheads together as they fought for breath, Yuuri's chest burning as he watched the heated look on Victor's face. Oh he'd _done that_. Somehow he had Victor fighting for breath, had him clearing his throat before asking in a strained voice, "Are you able to do without me for a few moments so I can call room service?"

 

"Uh...y-yeah," Yuuri managed, reluctantly taking his hands away from Victor's shoulders.

 

"Anything you want in particular?"

 

Yuuri could only give him another shrug, unable to think about anything beyond the way Victor had kissed the corner of his mouth and flicked his tongue over Yuuri's lip after nipping it. "Whatever you want."

 

He watched Victor give a slight shiver before reaching for the phone again, his fascinated gaze on Yuuri as he dialed. Yuuri closed his eyes and tried to breathe steadily again, feeling the frantic beat of his heart begin to calm. It became a futile effort when he heard Victor talk in Russian, and Yuuri had to keep from audibly moaning at the sound of it.

 

Soon Victor hung up, and Yuuri didn't have time to ask about their order before Victor had his face in his hands again, a dangerous look on his face as he asked, "Now where were we?"

 

He gave Yuuri no time to answer, capturing his lips with his again.

 

Several minutes later Yuuri was on his back, jacket and tie discarded somewhere on the floor. He would have laughed at the way Phichit's prophecy  _sort of_ came true had Victor not spent the last minutes kissing him silly, dragging his hands through Yuuri's hair and making it an utter disaster as he sucked several hickeys onto Yuuri's neck. Yuuri could only sigh and silence the moans that threatened to slip out of his mouth, his hands resting on Victor's back as the older man helped himself to Yuuri's neck. Nothing was in focus, as Yuuri's glasses were a bit skewed, but he discovered he didn't really care about that at the moment.

 

Yuuri also discovered that he  _really_ liked it when Victor nibbled on his ears.

 

He knew he was smiling giddily at the ceiling but couldn't seem to stop himself. Not when Victor's fingers were still making a mess of his hair and his mouth was leaving what would undoubtedly be a vivid trail of hickeys. He didn't even mind that his own hands were lying practically useless atop Victor's back, fire licking up his spine as he felt the muscles move.

 

Victor's lips trailed up his neck, peppering soft kisses across his jawline and up to his mouth again, giving his bottom lip a little tug before letting go and giggling against Yuuri's cheek. 

 

"What?" Yuuri asked, quiet and dazed as he let his hand finally wander up to the back of Victor's neck, fingers playing with the soft silver hair he found there. He wondered what it might have been like to do this when Victor's hair was still long.

 

Victor gave his cheek a brief nuzzle before drawing back to look down at him with a surprisingly fond look on his face, pupils blown wide. "You're adorable," he said, fingers still toying with Yuuri's dark hair. "Cute. Beautiful. Handsome. Sexy."

 

Yuuri closed his eyes and covered his face as he gave a shy laugh. " _You're_ beautiful," he retorted, voice slightly muffled by his hands. He loved this, he realized. Loved feeling Victor's weight on him, the warm buzz of his lips, and the tender ache starting to blossom on his marked neck. He'd have a hell of a time trying to avoid people's stares on his neck, but...right now it didn't feel too worrying. But there was one other worry that surfaced, especially when Yuuri remembered that they were going their separate ways tomorrow (at least temporarily if Victor had his way) since Yuuri wouldn't be staying for the exhibitions. He lowered his hands, giving Victor an apprehensive look. "I'm...Is this okay? I mean...Are you enjoying this?"

 

Victor rolled off of him, settling on his side while Yuuri turned to face him, faces still close to each other. Running his fingers through Yuuri's hair, Victor gave him a soft smile before asking, "Do you really need to ask if I'm enjoying kissing a gorgeous man who's been writhing so sweetly underneath me?"

 

God, he had been, hadn't he? He had to hide his face again, feeling it grow hot. Without Victor's mouth to distract him, all manner of complicated thoughts and questions started swirling around in his mind, more powerful than they were before. Yuuri wanted...needed answers. "It's just..."

 

"Just what?" Victor asked, a hand curling loosely over Yuuri's wrist.

 

Yuuri took a deep breath, trying to rid himself of the awful, shaky feeling in his chest before it made him too afraid to ask the most important question. "Why me?"

 

"Why not you?" Victor asked immediately, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Yuuri wanted to scoff and give him the many really obvious reasons why, but he closed his mouth when he watched a painful vulnerability surface in Victor's eyes. Then the older man asked with a quiet ache in his voice, "Is it because I'm Victor Nikiforov?"

 

Guilt stabbed at Yuuri's heart unexpectedly as he watched that look in Victor's eyes. It was nervous and pained, and he hadn't expected to see it at all. It was true, he'd held Victor up to such heights for so long that naturally a situation like this seemed like it would only ever happen in his dreams. He didn't answer, and Victor swallowed before asking in that same quietly fearful tone, "Can't we just be Victor and Yuuri?" His hand stroked a long line down from Yuuri's hair, down his side and up the swell of his hip. 

 

Yuuri closed his eyes with a sigh, just feeling that steady hand on him. "...Could I be enough?" he heard himself ask, feeling the light brush of the tip of Victor's nose against his. 

 

"Isn't that an unfair question to ask of yourself?" Victor murmured before pressing another kiss to his lips.

 

Yuuri pressed back, keeping his hand from shaking as he settled it on Victor's slim waist. "Maybe..."

 

They looked at each other for several moments, Yuuri studying Victor's face and taking everything in. He wanted to remember this. Then Victor asked, "You ask that question a lot, don't you?"

 

Biting his lip, Yuuri averted his gaze as he replied, "It's just...my anxiety doesn't..." He trailed off, wondering at how he could manage to be this honest with the man he'd idolized for more than a decade.

 

"I understand," he heard him say.

 

Yuuri gave Victor a wide-eyed look as he asked, "How?"

 

It was Victor's turn to look away, hesitant before finally saying, "...It's exhausting...being Victor Nikiforov. I've had to be Victor Nikiforov for a very long time." 

 

Yuuri felt that stab of guilt again, but before he could address it Victor made a very obvious effort to take the focus away from him, smiling at him brightly and squeezing his hip. "Tonight has been wonderful. I didn't expect things to happen the way they did. And didn't expect to have someone like you in my arms like this."

 

Yuuri let the shift go, but then thought of the question that had burned in his mind for the last twenty-four hours. "...Last night...did you ask me out because you were being kind, or...?"

 

Victor's smile softened, and he answered, "That, and I was  _very_ interested in getting to know you. I admired you for a long time, and I was even more curious about you after watching you skate, and talking to you. But I wasn't expecting to get you into bed so quickly." His tone was teasing as he gave Yuuri another squeeze, drawing him closer. "I thought you were good-looking and talented, so spending the evening with you was an unexpected treat."

 

Yuuri couldn't help but smile back, almost giving in to the urge to hide his face in Victor's chest again. He just shook his head, half-hiding his face in his pillow. "I'm just...I don't know, I just doubt I'm more interesting than...a-anyone else you've been with."

 

"Well, trust me. You are very different," Victor told him before kissing him again.

 

Yuuri gladly sank into it, still ignoring that shaky feeling in his chest as he tried to respond to the coaxing kiss. He wanted to fully embrace this wonderful, glorious thing that was happening to him. And he wanted it to keep happening.

 

 _I want more_ , he thought as he gave Victor's tongue a brief suck, loving the way the man shook against him.  _I don't want this to end._

 

Then Victor pulled away at the sound of someone knocking on the door and calling out in Russian. Yuuri stiffened and blushed, immobile as Victor let out a long suffering sigh as he let him go and got up off of the bed. Yuuri was shocked to see that the man's shirt was half-tucked, and his hair looked messy.  _I guess I got carried away..._

 

He sat up, trying to make himself small and invisible on the bed as Victor went through the little hallway to receive their order. His neck felt a little sore and he had to wipe off his slightly smudged glasses. Across from him war the vanity mirror, showing him in all his messiness. Oh, yes, Phichit was going to have a field day with this if Yuuri let him get away with it. 

 

He straightened himself out enough so that he didn't look a total wreck while they were eating, trying to get comfortable as Victor set the cart in front of them as they sat on the edge of the bed. "I hope you like pasta. I also ordered us some cake to share."

 

"That sounds great," Yuuri replied, watching the other man draw a chair across from him to sit down. He was surprisingly hungry, but mindful not to eat messily.

 

Well...not too messily, since Victor was making a point of audibly  _enjoying_ his food, slurps and all. Though he was mindful enough to use a napkin in between cute moans of pleasure and declarations of love for the sauce, which Yuuri both laughed at and really appreciated for the way it would all make him smile as though he had nothing to worry about.

 

And...at the moment he supposed he didn't have anything to worry about.

 

It was a nice feeling.

 

Nicer still was when Victor started trying to feed Yuuri chocolate cake, though Yuuri put up some token resistance as he blushed vividly before giving in. Yuuri couldn't help but keep blushing whenever Victor brought the cake-laden fork to his mouth. His heart had begun to settle down, lingering at a steady pace that let Yuuri actually enjoy himself even when Victor kept doing things to make him blush.

 

They talked more too, Victor making him laugh with little anecdotes about his coach and rinkmates and Yuuri telling him about those first frightening years in Detroit when all he had was himself and lifesaving calls to his sister. 

 

In the back of his mind Yuuri wondered how much time had passed. How were people reacting to their little display at the banquet? What was tomorrow morning going to look like now that everything had changed? 

 

 _Tomorrow morning..._ Was it bad that Yuuri didn't want to think that far? Not when he felt better than he thought he would after arriving in Sochi? For all of Victor's lofty promises, who really knew if  _this_ had the potential to keep going. Maybe Victor didn't want long distance, or Yuuri would be the one to break first, or...

 

He breathed deeply and kept on smiling at Victor. No tomorrow yet. That was still hours away. 

 

There came a moment of quiet, and Yuuri wasn't sure if that silence needed filling. Catching Yuuri in his sharp gaze again, Victor asked, "Now it's my turn to ask if you're enjoying yourself."

 

"...I am," Yuuri replied, wondering if Victor's temerity might ever rub off on him.

 

... _Okay, my brain didn't need to go there_.

 

Clearing his throat he added with a soft laugh, "I guess last place isn't so bad if I just end up having a private dinner with the gold medalist."

 

Victor gave a laugh of his own, and Yuuri once again helped himself to a generous helping of Victor Nikiforov's unrestrained laughter. It felt like an unexpected present, and one that Yuuri felt he had to hoard before someone inevitably took it away. Then Victor asked, "So, are you glad you said yes to our date?"

 

Was there really any other answer for Yuuri to give? "Yeah, I am," he said, trying not to look too amused at the thought of Phichit strangling him if he said otherwise.

 

Relief flashed in Victor's eyes, briefly stunning Yuuri and rendering him silent before he could elaborate further on why he was enjoying himself. He watched the man's eyes flicker towards Yuuri's hand on the table, looking hesitant for a second before reaching across the table to cover Yuuri's hand with his. Yuuri went utterly still as heat coursed its way up his spine, and gazed back at Victor's thoughtful expression, spotting the shocking trace of shyness and nerves there. "I really like you," Victor suddenly said, Yuuri feeling his hand twitch briefly. "I think you're...extraordinary. You're not like anyone else I've ever met," he added, quiet, honest, and vulnerable. "I don't think I could ever forget about you."

 

Yuuri swallowed, gaze flicking between their joined hands and Victor's face (and not noticing how agonizing his silence was for the other man). When he finally did find his voice he replied, "Me neither. That is...I don't think I could forget you." He met Victor's reassured look with a little smirk of his own, and added, "Obviously I couldn't, not after tonight."

 

"Oh? Am I making that big of an impression?" Victor asked, stroking the back of Yuuri's hand with a fingertip. 

 

"You're really asking that?" Yuuri asked dryly, making Victor laugh again.

 

Leaning in a little, Victor raised Yuuri's hand to his lips, pressing a long kiss to his palm. "I'm looking forward to making even bigger ones," he murmured, giving Yuuri a meaningful gaze. 

 

Other people probably wouldn't have asked. Other people probably would've been satisfied with just that. But Yuuri had to be sure. "You really mean that?" He felt wretched as soon as the question left his lips. 

 

"Of course I do," Victor said, looking right at him as he kept holding on to his hand, now with both of his.

 

Yuuri willed the words to settle in his mind and heart, taking in the sensation of his hand cradled between Victor's. This was all definitely too good to be true, and Yuuri was still apprehensive about thinking on the morning after. He supposed his lingering doubts smacked of ingratitude, but he had to know. And he had so many questions still. But Victor beat him to it and asked quietly, "Will you lie down with me for a bit?"

 

Unexpected relief surged through Yuuri at the welcome postponement of his inevitable departure, though his blush did yet again betray his surprise and shyness at the very personal request. "Yeah, of course..."

 

Victor beamed at him again, looking overjoyed by his acceptance. The look warmed Yuuri about as much as their earlier kisses, but fortunately his glasses and shirt stayed in place.

 

Soon Yuuri was back in bed with Victor again, clothed legs lightly tangled together as they lay facing each other, Yuuri's heart resuming its frantic race again as Victor gazed at him with a sweet fondness. It made his chest ache and he knew he would want _this_ for more than just a single night. It was a terrifying thought, to want something previously thought to be so unattainable. A day ago Victor was untouchable, but now he was practically wrapped in Yuuri's arms, gazing at him openly and allowing Yuuri to make discoveries he never thought he'd make.

 

It was all so humbling. World-changing. The pedestal being torn down.

 

So Yuuri breathed normally as he looked into Victor's face. Just Victor. Just Yuuri.

 

He could fall in love with this feeling. Fall in love with...

 

An increasingly anxious flicker kept showing itself in those clear blue pools, and Yuuri wondered if he should ask until Victor's gaze faltered and he was the one to ask quietly, "Can I tell you something, Yuuri?"

 

Yuuri nodded, frowning slightly with concern as he kept holding on to the other man, sensing a tension from his longer frame.

 

Victor still hesitated, taking a shaky breath before he said something Yuuri didn't expect to hear for a long time yet. "I think I'm going to announce my retirement once the season ends."

 

Each word was like a heavy stone in Yuuri's chest, and he stared at Victor in utter shock as he realized _just_ what he'd said. "...What?"

 

Victor closed his eyes, letting out a shaking breath and looking like he was about to pour his entire heart out. "I'm not inspired anymore. I'm afraid if I keep competing, I'll lose my love of skating for good. I think I need to get away from it before I...before I hate it."

 

How many times had Yuuri had such thoughts in the past couple of days?

 

How many times had Yuuri thought it best to quietly retire in the past twenty-four hours? 

 

Of course  _he_ would have those invasive thoughts, but Victor...

 

So it really was over, then. 

 

This really had been his one and only chance and he'd squandered it away. All because he couldn't overcome his own weakness. 

 

Yuuri scrunched his eyes shut, hating the sob he had to choke down and the tears prickling behind his eyelids. Unfortunately Victor had noticed, and asked worriedly as his hand stroked Yuuri's cheek, "Yuuri? What is it, _detka?_  I didn't mean to make you cry!"

 

His chest ached with the effort of keep everything trapped in the confines of his exhausted body, and he knew that if he tried to speak he'd break down in embarrassing sobs. He just shook his head as he struggled to breathe, if only so he could get the words out. Finally he managed in a tight voice, "It's just...this was my one chance to skate on your level...and I blew it..."

 

He kept his eyes squeezed shut, unaware of the tension gathering in Victor's body, and just tried to breathe normally again. Relief flooded through Yuuri when he did manage a deep breath, and several more in succession, easing the agony in his chest. He swallowed and opened his eyes, blinking rapidly before daring to look at Victor again.

 

Yuuri's breath caught at the quietly devastated look in Victor's face and immediately felt enormous guilt.  _I messed up_ , he thought bitterly. Who in the world was he to try and make Victor feel bad over such an obviously hard choice just because of his own shortcomings?

 

He shook his head again and placed his hand on Victor's cheek, hoping it soothed the sting of Yuuri's thoughtless words. "I'm sorry," Yuuri said softly, drawing Victor's gaze up to his again. "I'm sorry, I...I'm being selfish...I know how you feel, I get it...It makes sense that you'd want to retire. I'd feel the same way in your shoes."

 

"Really?" Victor asked, looking and sounding as fearful as Yuuri felt.

 

Yuuri nodded, dredging up every source of doubt that had gained power after landing in last place. "...I don't have a lot of confidence. I freeze up when I talk to the press and my nerves affect my performance." He thought for a moment in silence before making a confession that still managed to startle him. "I love skating, but..I don't know if I'm having any fun anymore."

 

Victor's hand found his, squeezing comfortingly as he reminded him, "You skated poorly after getting bad news, Yuuri." 

 

"Yeah..." Knowing that still didn't take the overwhelming feeling of failure away. He'd failed himself, his family, his dog, his coach, and maybe even Victor. He tried to keep his voice steady so he could ask quietly, "So...you'll make the announcement after Worlds?"

 

"I don't know. Part of me wants to stay, but..." Victor sighed again and buried his face in his pillow, tensing in Yuuri's arms for a moment before sagging a little. "I'm just so tired, Yuuri," he said, voice sounding terribly worn. "This has been my life for twenty years. Skating, training, making my fans happy..."

 

Yuuri watched him close his eyes, oddly fascinated by the unexpected display. This was a far cry from the Victor who exuded charm and confidence with just a look. He looked close to crying, and Yuuri briefly wondered what that sight would be like. He shook the thought away, wondering what was _wrong_ with him, and Victor added softly, "Sometimes I'm scared that they'll hate the real Victor. That all anyone is ever going to want is the Victor Nikiforov who wins medals and smiles pretty for the cameras." His eyes found Yuuri's again, tired and pained. "And the worst part is that I'm not sure I know who the real Victor is."

 

"Come on, that's..." He stopped himself once he noticed the utter agony in Victor's eyes.  _Oh_. 

 

Untouchable, he'd thought. Perfect. Never lonely or exhausted or nervous. Yuuri wanted to kick himself but decided to instead press his forehead against Victor's, brushing their noses together as he dared to draw the other man closer, enjoying the short hitch in his breath. "...That's awful," he finally said, looking into those lovely blue eyes as his heart raced.

 

He enjoyed the openness of Victor's face for only a moment, as it then seemed to close off after a brief moment of fearful realization from Victor, like he'd said too much. The smile he gave Yuuri was false, noticeably so after all he'd revealed, but still he tried to say brightly, "I-It's fine, I'm just being dramatic! You don't have to worry your lovely head over me-"

 

Yuuri wrapped him up in a tight hug, blushing as he did it but doing it anyway before Victor could put his mask back on all the way. 

 

He wondered to himself just how long that mask had been on before Victor peered from behind it, and Yuuri stayed silent for fear of saying something that would put that mask back on Victor's face for good. He didn't want that false smile. He wanted...

 

It was several moments before Victor relaxed into the embrace, hanging on to Yuuri like he was the only thing keeping him from falling, and Yuuri's heartbeat picked up speed. Victor didn't cry, but neither did he move. Not for a long time. 

 

Yuuri just listened to him breathe, feeling the warmth of his breath on his neck. It was shaky and then it was steady. Almost, as Victor was still awake as far as Yuuri could tell. 

 

Stroking the man's back in slow, uncertain movements, Yuuri asked, "What would you do after you retired?"

 

Victor made a soft noise against his skin before drawing away to look at him, eyes thoughtful and tired. "...Become a commentator, maybe. Do more choreography. Or become a coach..." Then he gave Yuuri a little grin and added, "Keep dating you, of course."

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes with a soft smile, though he silently appreciated the reassurance. "You'd make a great coach."

 

Victor answered it with a watery smile of his own, like Yuuri had given him a welcome gift. "Do you think so? What if I was your coach?"

 

Yuuri chuckled softly, immediately replying, "I'd be a pretty disappointing student."

 

"You'd be a wonderful student." 

 

"You're just saying that."

 

"I'm being completely serious." Victor then pointed at his face and asked, "Don't I look serious?"

 

He looked tired, in fact. Completely exhausted. Yuuri kept smiling at him, reaching up to trail his own fingers through Victor's soft hair. Victor beamed at the touch, reminding Yuuri of a contented puppy. "You don't...have to make any decisions now," Yuuri told him.

 

The smile left Victor's face, replaced by that quietly fearful look. "But I do, Yuuri," he murmured.

 

Yuuri took a breath before pressing a kiss to Victor's lips, shivering as he gave the soft bottom lip a long suck that made Victor whimper. "I mean not now when you're about to fall asleep," he breathed against those lips, loving the way they curled into a little smile.

 

Indeed, Victor's eyelids looked heavy with exhaustion, but he managed to focus on Yuuri and quietly requested, "Please stay."

 

It was another shock to Yuuri's already taxed heart, and another enormous relief. Sleep would only bring tomorrow much faster, but at least this way he didn't have to leave. While he wasn't drunk, something had gone to his head, making him do things he never thought he would. And apparently that included _literally_ sleeping with Victor Nikiforov. "Okay," he replied quietly, fervently praying he wouldn't drool.

 

Victor settled further into his arms, smiling unabashedly as he closed his eyes with a happy-sounding sigh. "'Nikiforov Sleeps With Katsuki.' What a scandalous headline," he said in a mischievous tone.

 

Yuuri smiled as he groaned softly, "Go to sleep, Victor." 

 

He closed his eyes, wondering just how in the world he was expected to fall asleep after...everything. It was the opposite of exhausting, especially when Victor was practically curled up around him.

 

Eventually he did drift off to the sound of Victor's steady breaths.

 

His phone, silent for hours, lit up with calls and messages that Yuuri wouldn't see until the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who caught the simpsons reference?
> 
> two more chapters, i think. please comment!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess whose yoi bluray/dvds arrived in the mail today? 
> 
> MINE

All Yuuri knew as he was dragged into wakefulness was that he most certainly did not want to wake up or move. He was much too comfortable at the moment, holding something warm and pleasant-feeling in his arms.

 

It was too solid to be a pillow. 

 

His eyes flew open as he realized his mouth was pressed against a whorl of slightly thinning hair, and then memories of the night before came rushing back in a flood that washed away all of his sleepiness. 

 

First, he'd gone to the banquet as Victor Nikiforov's  _date_. 

 

Second, they'd danced.

 

Third, fourth, fifth, and infinity, Victor kissed him.

 

No, that was wrong. Yuuri started it all by kissing Victor, then it was a couple of hours of kissing each other and surprising heart-to-hearts.

 

It had been real. It had been utterly and completely real and unexpected and Yuuri's lungs decided to stop working when he realized Victor was very much wrapped around him, face buried in Yuuri's chest.

 

Yuuri wondered if his thundering heartbeat would be enough to wake Victor up, mildly amused at the thought of Victor sleeping through something that undoubtedly felt like a hammer against his forehead. 

 

Yanking himself into consciousness, Yuuri blinked in confusion before realizing he'd fallen asleep with his glasses on. It was no wonder everything looked clear. He wiggled just a little, peering down and finding one of Victor's long legs thrown over his hip and feeling one of Victor's arms trapped beneath him, the other curled around his waist. 

 

 _Okay, that won't work_ , Yuuri thought, wincing at the thought of Victor waking up to the feeling of his arm being asleep. He shifted back a little, fighting his reluctance to let go of the other man, and supported himself on his elbow as he looked at Victor.

 

He watched his brow wrinkle slightly as he moved his newly-freed arm, bending it as he shifted forward in search of Yuuri's leftover heat. Yuuri swallowed at the sight of it, eyes focusing on Victor's face and watching with as much attention and fascination as though it were Victor skating one of his legendary routines. 

 

Oh, yes, Yuuri's lungs were being especially uncooperative, especially when he was looking at the peaceful and open expression on Victor's face as he slept. Victor's brow wrinkled in another brief frown before he buried his face deeper into his pillow as he breathed a sleepy sigh.

 

When Yuuri was twelve and he'd set eyes on Victor for the first time he thought he'd never seen anything so beautiful, and thought he never would again.

 

But he'd been wrong. Victor, asleep and utterly trusting, certainly lived up to that. Maybe went beyond it. 

 

Of course Yuuri felt a little upset that morning had come so rapidly. But seeing Victor like this was something Yuuri wanted to remember. He couldn't be too upset after such a sight. 

 

He knew he should get up, wash his face, brush his teeth, and make sure his hair didn't look completely disastrous, but Yuuri just stayed where he was, wanting to remain in his own relaxed and contented state. He didn't want to think about his flight that evening or the months of separation that awaited them.

 

Eventually Victor seemed to realize that he wasn't wrapped around Yuuri, frown lasting longer as he searched for Yuuri with a sleepy hand, and slowly his eyes began to open. His unsteady gaze managed to find Yuuri, and an overjoyed smile broke across his face as he looked up at him. "Is it possible I'm still dreaming?" the older man mumbled, reaching up to take Yuuri's chin between his thumb and index finger.

 

Smiling back, Yuuri laughed softly as Victor's hand cradled his jaw. "I don't really look like a dream right now," he said, very aware of his bedhead. At least Victor's hair looked almost as mussed as his.

 

"Oh, yes you do," Victor insisted, tugging Yuuri down to press a kiss to his forehead and to gaze up at him, making him flush warmly. "Your eyes are so pretty," he said in hushed tones.

 

"Yours too," Yuuri replied, drunk on Victor's gaze. His eyes briefly lingered on Victor's lips, but before he could give in to that particular temptation he drew away sheepishly. "I should...brush my teeth..."

 

Victor nodded, slowly sitting up and giving himself a long stretch accompanied by a groan. "You go on ahead first. There's complimentary toiletries in the bathroom if you want to use those."

 

"Thanks," Yuuri said, trying not to get too distracted by the shape of Victor's long body as he stretched. "I-I'll be right back," he stammered out, still blushing as he tried not to stumble his way out of bed. His gait was somewhat coltish as he made his way to the bathroom, shaky hands grasping the doorknob as he pulled the door closed once he was inside.

 

Then he covered his face, letting out a silent scream into his palms as his blood pumped with frantic excitement.

 

Last night had happened. This morning was happening.

 

Minutes later he was still looking at himself in the mirror, taking in his giddy expression, his wild-looking bedhead, and the dark bruises littering his neck in very telling places (How in God's name was he supposed to explain them to Celestino? _And him without a turtleneck!_ ). He wet his hands to drag them through his hair, trying to fix it as best he could so he could at least look presentable as he made his way through the hotel.

 

He left the bathroom to let Victor have his turn, his eyes lingering on the still-sleepy look on Victor's face as he made his way towards him.  Victor's hand found his fingers, giving them a brief squeeze as he passed by. Then he said over his shoulder with a light tone, "You may want to check your phone."

 

Yuuri's heart gave a terrified thud. He'd had his phone set to silent the entire night and completely forgot about it. He rapidly made his way to the nightstand, a cold sweat making its way down his back as his anxiety level began its steady rise. He picked up his phone, battery at a whopping 39%, and hesitated before bringing the screen to life. 

 

It was full to bursting with messages and missed calls.

 

Sliding his thumb across the screen, Yuuri kept breathing deeply, terror squeezing his throat as he looked at the amount of notifications marking his screen. He tapped on his messages first, immediately opening the one with his coach's name on it. 

 

It was a single sentence.

 

**CIAO-CIAO:**

**Please remember you have a flight tomorrow night.**

 

Yuuri felt as though all of his breath had been punched out of him, and he fell backwards on the bed as embarrassment flooded his entire being. Part of him was flattered that his coach trusted him enough not to scold him severely, but Yuuri realized his actions must have been a bit of an unpleasant surprise for the man, considering that Yuuri never did things like this. He winced at the thought of the messages Yakov Feltsman might have left on Victor's phone.

 

Still, the reminder that he wasn't staying for the exhibitions was painful.

 

Trying his best to calm down, Yuuri raised the phone up to his face to tap a brief message to reassure his coach.

 

**YUURI:**

**I'm sorry for disappearing like that.**

**I'll meet you at the lobby on time. I'm very sorry.**

 

Going back to his messages he found one from his sister.

 

 **MARI** **:**

**PLEASE don't leave us in suspense! I need to know how my little brother's date went!!!**

**Do you want me to set Minako or the Nishigori girls on the skating forums for clues?**

**MOM AND DAD WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT TOO**

**You might just make local news with this.**

 

Yuuri wanted to faint.  _Not the skating forums please ANYTHING BUT THAT._

 

**YUURI:**

**PLEASE DON'T**

**NO SKATING FORUMS**

**AND it was good.**

 

Funny how "good" didn't even begin to cover it. He had to add something more.

 

**YUURI:**

**Victor was great.**

 

He blushed again at the thought of sending something so personal to his sister, even when it was such a simple statement and Mari was incredibly familiar with Yuuri's crush on Victor. 

 

Having sent that he went on to discover that Phichit was the one responsible for flooding his inbox and making those calls, and knowing that was a  _little_ bit of a relief. 

 

**PHICHIT:**

**Tell me how your date's going**

**Yuuri**

**Yuuuuuuriiiiii**

**tell ME**

**TELL ME**

**Please?**

**I'll do your laundry**

**I'll give you the money my parents send me**

  

Yuuri couldn't resist smiling at the many different methods of bribery his best friend came up with. His slow scrolling finally brought him to a very shocking attached image that had him rapidly sitting up, eyes wide and breaths hard.

 

It was a picture of him and Victor kissing, Victor's hand resting on his back while Yuuri's hand was curled possessively over the older man's nape, his eyes closed while Victor's were wide open and shocked, a vivid blush on his face.

 

**PHICHIT:**

**CHRISTOPHE SENT ME THE VIDEO**

**EXPLAIN**

**NOW**

**I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG**

**I AM JUST BASKING IN GLORIOUS VICTORY**

**or should I say....VICTUURI??!!??!?!?!!?? *air horns***

**How could you Yuuri!??!?**

**I had to hear about this from CHRIS**

 

**also I counted abouuuuuut 143 comments on your selfie about shipping you two**

**I am now joining their ranks**

**alright I'm guessing that you're NOT replying because you left your phone on silent and/or Victor is giving you the best night of your life**

**in which case I HOPE YOU'RE USING CONDOMS**

**I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS RIGHT**

**I SHOULD BUY LOTTERY TICKETS**

 

Yuuri could only stare at the phone with a very red face, unable to come up with a response as several emotions whirled around his head. He jumped in surprise when the bathroom door opened and Victor emerged, hair a bit tidier and shirt completely untucked. He was beaming at Yuuri, as though surprised he was still there, and immediately went to drape himself on Yuuri. "I suppose I owe you an apology for leaving those bruises on your neck. Too bad I'm not even remotely sorry," he said, still smiling.

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes as he brought a hand up to his neck. _I just wish I had a turtleneck. Or makeup._

 

Victor flicked his head towards the phone in Yuuri's hand, asking, "Anything wrong?"

 

Shaking his head, Yuuri replied, "Just a lot of texts and missed calls from my roommate, Phichit. He kept teasing me yesterday about you and I...ending up in bed together." He pinched idly rubbed his temple with a wry smile, adding, "I told him it could never happen. And then Christophe went and sent him the video of our dance and now he's being very smug."

 

Laughing in delight, Victor rested his chin on Yuuri's shoulder, asking slyly, "Don't you think it's utterly worth it?"

 

Yuuri let out a softer laugh, still mildly embarrassed by everything that had occurred in the last twenty-four hours. But it had resulted in something completely unexpected, something that Yuuri couldn't really turn his nose up at. "I guess," he mumbled, giving Victor's head a light nudge with his own.

 

He felt Victor's smile against his cheek as he pressed several kisses to it, and Yuuri turned to meet those lips with his, chasing the taste of mint as his heart galloped at the daring action.

 

Yuuri didn't draw away, and neither did Victor, both of them lingering in that soft press of mouths, lightly brushing before going back for more. Yuuri drew in a sharp breath at the feeling of a hand on his thigh, melding his lips against Victor's and hoping they didn't feel too dry, too rough, or...

 

When they did part they kept their foreheads pressed together, almost like two boys whispering conspiratorially. But there were no whispers, and Yuuri knew he was trying to prolong the moment, well-aware he had to leave the room eventually. 

 

He didn't want to. He really didn't want to.

 

But before he could get up, Victor once again surprised him by asking quietly, "Want to have breakfast with me? I know a nearby restaurant that's pretty good."

 

Yuuri couldn't deny the hopeful ring in Victor's voice, and he almost stopped breathing  _again_ at the sound of it. "I'd have to go change and talk to my coach, but...Y-yeah."

 

It was more time, and Yuuri eagerly claimed it, and he basked in the relieved smile Victor gave him.

 

As much as he wanted to stay, he knew he at least had to head to his room and change into something more casual and give Celestino a call to let him know where he was. He reluctantly got to his feet and started gathering his discarded jacket and tie, wondering if the long walk to his room qualified as a "walk of shame" when he hadn't even had sex with Victor.

 

Putting his shoes on he turned to Victor, forcing himself to meet the man's fond gaze. "I'll see you in a little while, I guess."  _You guess? YOU GUESS? ARE YOU REALLY THAT BAD AT THIS?_

 

But Victor gave no evidence of being unimpressed getting to his feet to once again surprise Yuuri with a hug and several kisses to his hair, murmuring against his ear, "I can't wait to have breakfast with my new boyfriend."

 

The word made Yuuri go still, heat blazing across his face as he raised his shocked gaze to stare up at the man holding him. "I'm your boyfriend?" he asked, heart pounding hard in his chest. 

 

Once again Victor's expression faltered, betraying the moment of fear and nervousness. Yuuri snatched that moment, tucking it away for later perusal as he watched Victor compose his face before asking in low tones, "Would you like to be?"

 

 _God, yes_ , Yuuri thought, breathing shakily as he stared into those shockingly earnest eyes. He had to hide his face in Victor's neck, blush intensifying at the sound of Victor's soft laughter. "Please tell me I'm not dreaming," he mumbled into the warm skin as those lovely hands caressed his back. 

 

"There, there, _lapoch_ _ka,"_ Victor soothed with a consoling pat of his back, right before he let his hands slide dangerously close to Yuuri's rear. "I could pinch that cute ass of yours if you really need convincing," he offered with an audible smirk.

 

" _Victor!"_ Yuuri exclaimed, face completely red as he tried  _very hard_ not to imagine what it would feel like for Victor to give his ass a greedy squeeze.  _Taking things slow. We are taking things slow. Slow._

 

Apparently deciding to have mercy on him, Victor let him go with a parting kiss, stroking beneath his chin as he smiled down at him lovingly. "I'll see you in the lobby, then. Call or text me when you leave your room." 

 

Breathless, Yuuri could only nod as he turned away from him and opened the door, stepping out into the hallway and out of what had seemed like a very intense dream. 

 

Only it hadn't been.

 

Still, he shut the door with a soft click, not wanting to risk waking himself up with a loud noise.

 

Jacket and tie rolled up beneath an arm, Yuuri started the long walk back to his room, wondering when his heart would return to normal.

 

He had a hand on his aching chest when he heard Christophe's voice like an early-morning alarm, violently tugging him back to earth as he looked up to find the man walking right towards him, beaming as he exclaimed, "There you are!"

 

Yuuri bit back a groan, looking at his shoes while the other man wrapped an arm around him to squeeze him close, saying in thoroughly impressed tones as they walked awkwardly together, "My, my, my, Yuuri. Fleeing the banquet for a tryst with Victor Nikiforov! I didn't know you had it in you!" Then he gave Yuuri a wicked smirk as he added softly, "Or did dear Victor have it _in him?"_

 

Yuuri let out a hideous-sounding choking noise, stopping in his tracks as Christophe laughed at him for a moment while helping to keep him upright. "N-nothing happened!" he immediately said, knowing it would be useless to say it when it appeared like something  _had_ happened. 

 

"Still so timid, Yuuri?" Christophe asked, shaking his head as he clicked his tongue. "Now, I'm off to interrogate our mutual friend," Christophe said, patting Yuuri's chest and rear twice before releasing him and making his way towards Victor's room, throwing Yuuri a mischievous wink over his shoulder. "Hopefully you didn't make too big a mess of him. I'd like for him to at least give me 'yes' or 'no' answers!"

 

"Nothing happened!" Yuuri repeated, knowing it would be fruitless. _It was w_ _orth a shot_ , he thought as he walked towards the elevator, a headache slowly developing at his nape.

 

A half hour later he was freshly showered and dressed in more comfortable clothes, his wrinkled suit packed away in his suitcase. He toweled his hair as dry as he could get it and looked at his phone, deciding to call Phichit and put his thoughts in order.

 

It took two rings before Phichit answered. There was silence for a few moments, and Yuuri frowned as he asked, "Phichit, are you there?"

 

Then Phichit's voice startled him when he suddenly sang,  _"YOU JUST HAD SEX, AND YOUR DREAMS CAME TRUE..."_

 

Yuuri groaned loudly and tossed his phone on the bed. "Are you kidding me, Phichit?"

 

Mercifully, Phichit stopped singing, and all Yuuri could hear was the faint sound of his laughter and hasty apologies before bringing the phone back to his ear. "I couldn't help it!" his roommate exclaimed defensively. "I had to mark the moment somehow! God, Yuuri, I nearly did a touchdown with my phone when Chris sent me that video! WITH MY PRECIOUS PHONE. And then he told me you two ran off together! I won't ask for too many details, but did you have a good time with him? You used protection, right?"

 

Yuuri bit his lip, blushing at the line of questioning and wondering how to reply. At least Phichit was more likely to believe him. "It was...about as safe as it can get. Nothing happened."

 

"...Oh."

 

"I mean..." He covered his face and scrambled for words. "We made out and talked. A lot. Then we ordered room service, and...Phichit. Phichit, he fed me cake."

 

"...He fed you cake."

 

"He fed me  _chocolate_ cake."

 

 _"OH MY GOD,_ " Phichit yelled, making Yuuri move his phone away from his ear before his eardrums burst. "Holy shit, Yuuri! That's the most adorable thing I've ever heard!"

 

Yuuri smiled to himself at the memory of it, sighing before adding, "We were talking and..." He fell silent, knowing Victor had trusted him with important and personal information concerning his potential retirement. Boyfriend or not, it wasn't his place to talk about it with anyone else.

 

... _Boyfriend_.

 

"And what, Yuuri?!" Phichit cried.

 

"And we just fell asleep."

 

"...You slept with Victor."

 

"I slept with Victor."

 

" _YOU SLEPT WITH VICTOR."_

 

"Phichit, my  _hearing_."

 

"Sorry! Sorry, I'm just trying not to overdose on all this... _sweetness._ " Yuuri could easily imagine him swooning on his bed. Well, he didn't have much room to talk, considering he was lying down on his own bed, his heart racing wildly. "So, what happens now?" Phichit asked.

 

Hand tracing circles on his own belly, Yuuri took a deep breath and said, "He wants to keep seeing me. We're heading to get some breakfast in a little while. He...wants me to be his boyfriend.  _Scream and I'll hang up_."

 

"Just let me get a quick one into my pillow," Phichit said in a rush before Yuuri heard a very muffled scream. Once he finished he returned to the phone and asked, "What about Ciao-Ciao? Was he pissed when you disappeared?"

 

"God, I don't even want to think about it," Yuuri confessed. "He just reminded me I have a flight home today, and I sent him a quick text letting him know I was still alive. I still have to call him and let him know I'm leaving the hotel."

 

"Good plan," Phichit assured him. "I'll let you go, BUT WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS FURTHER. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DEVELOPMENT IN FIGURE SKATING HISTORY."

 

"I promise," Yuuri replied. "I'll even talk to the hamsters about it so they don't feel left out."

 

They said their goodbyes and Yuuri caught his breath, wishing he was brave enough to scream about this as much as Phichit had. But he had to be mindful of the other guests, who would probably think he was being murdered.

 

Boyfriend. 

 

A weird title when he thought about it. It was like trying out new clothing and looking at himself at every angle in the mirror.

 

He looked at the time, seeing it was still a bit early. He couldn't deny he had a flight back home, and then he and Victor would be  _continents_ away from each other. Long-distance until...

 

 _Worlds,_  Yuuri thought decisively, thinking of his poor free skate and all the work he had to do if he wanted a chance to skate on the same ice as Victor again.  _I can make it to Worlds._

 

Nodding to himself, he hit the dial icon next to his coach's name on his phone.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Yuuri was out of the room, Victor waited a few seconds before falling back on the bed and letting out a long breath, chest heaving as his heart threatened to leap out of it and fly around the room.

 

Incredible.

 

He had never felt so nervous, so... _terrified_. 

 

_So that's what it feels like._

 

How long had it been since he'd been so open with another person? Why was the thought of taking every wall around him apart, piece by piece, not as frightening?

 

At least it hadn't been for a few brief moments, until Victor gave in to that familiar instinct when it felt like Yuuri was close to making an unpleasant discovery.

 

But then Victor, caught in the haze of trust and adoration he was feeling, opened his big mouth and gave voice to an idea that had, until then, been a thought. A thought that gained power as the days went by until Victor went against every instinct in his body and blurted it out to Yuuri. His reaction had filled Victor with such fear, and now he wondered if it would be a better idea to just leave it at that; a thought shared between two people, remaining a total secret while Victor put his smile on and kept skating through the physical and emotional exhaustion. Just a few more years.

 

A few more long years.

 

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of those thoughts as he remembered how it felt to wake up next to Yuuri after having slept in his arms. He beamed at the ceiling as he dragged his hands through his hair, and reached for a pillow to hug it to his chest as he let out a giddy laugh.

 

He was acting like a love-struck teenager and he loved it.  _"Yuuri_ ," he sighed into the empty room, heart keeping up its steady gallop in his chest. 

 

It had all happened. Yuuri, shy and sweet, had kissed him after their dance. Yuuri had listened to him and held him in his arms so  _tightly_...

 

Victor gave a start at the sound of sharp knocks on his door, and he heard Christophe's voice call out, "Victor? Are you in there? Are you able to get out of bed?"

 

Sitting up, Victor replied in the lightest voice he could manage, "I'm fine, Chris. One second...!" He gave himself another look in the mirror before going to let the other man in.

 

Christophe was smirking at him knowingly, walking past him with a discerning gaze as he said, "I only ask because I noticed Yuuri wasn't limping when I met him in the hallway."

 

Victor squeezed the doorknob and took a breath, not wanting to let his mind venture towards reasons Yuuri could have left his room with a limp while Christophe was around. He put on a bright smile and went to join the other man, finding him already sitting on the edge of his bed.

 

"So, you two cleared off rather quickly," Christophe stated, still wearing a smirk. "I never knew Yuuri could be so...amorous, considering how much of a wallflower he usually is. How was he?"

 

"I couldn't tell you, since nothing happened," Victor replied, still beaming at the man.

 

Christophe raised an eyebrow before chuckling softly and nodding in acceptance. "Oh, I get it. A gentleman never tells."

 

"While that is true, I'm being completely serious. Nothing happened. We just kissed and talked for a little while."  _And it was the best night of my life._

 

At that, Christophe did look at him with a look of complete surprise, words failing him, for once. "...That's it?"

 

Victor sighed happily as he sat down beside him, fully enjoying the utter shock on his friend's face. "Yes..." 

 

How to explain that he felt emotionally unfulfilled when it came to relationships? That he was terrified of dismantling his walls for fear of what the other person might discover? That he knew his emotional baggage wasn't something everyone could or wanted to cope with? That there had already been relationships where he knew it wasn't  _him_ they wanted, but the idea he'd worked so hard to construct?

 

And Yuuri had slithered his way through to him like a pro, which was why his inexperience was so surprising. Victor supposed it was just as well that they hadn't had sex, even though he was eager to discover _just_  how responsive Yuuri could be in bed. Taking things slow sounded...like an unexpected yet pleasant change. 

 

But still frightening.

 

Like a performance Victor had no time to prepare for.

 

 _And if I don't want to perform?_ he wondered.  _But what does Yuuri want?_

 

Victor knew what he wanted; to reside in some part of Yuuri's heart for as long as he could.

 

"Oh my God," he heard Christophe exclaim, and Victor realized he'd been silent for a bit.

 

"What?"

 

A wide smile broke across Christophe's face, completely surprised and delighted as he exclaimed, "Victor Nikiforov, you have a crush!"

 

It stung that the idea was so surprising to someone else. Victor was always capable of having _crushes_. Acting on them was a different story altogether. "I suppose I do," he said, lips quirking a little. 

 

Christophe shook his head incredulously, looking at Victor as though he were meeting him for the first time. "Who would have thought? The great Victor Nikiforov has a crush on Yuuri Katsuki!"

 

"Is it really so unbelievable?" Victor asked, unable to help himself. 

 

"Well..." Christophe looked away thoughtfully, and then said, "I would call it unexpected. Surprising. But a sweet surprise overall."

 

Nodding quietly, Victor tried to feel encouraged by Christophe's words, but found himself mired down by people's expectations. Why couldn't he be interested in someone like Yuuri? Because, according to them, he was a playboy? Really, someone needed to ask him when his last hookup was, because he was quite sure the answer would shut them up...for a little while.  _Even Yuuri didn't believe you were really interested,_ he thought, remembering the look of doubt in Yuuri's expressive brown eyes.

 

 _Can't we just be Victor and Yuuri?_ he asked himself. He'd nearly kicked himself the night before when he asked that aloud, realizing that "Victor" was as much a mystery to himself as he probably was to Yuuri.

 

Yuuri, who had been his fan, who'd had  _expectations_ despite his nerves and inexperience. Yuuri, who obviously had enough to cope with by himself without Victor's generous supply of melancholy and clinginess.

 

Victor already knew he should probably take his own advice.  _"Nerves and setbacks don't mean you're weak. Confiding in people doesn't mean you're weak,"_ he'd said to the nearly-weeping man. Still, Victor was terrified of that vulnerability, even after he'd given Yuuri so many opportunities to see it the night before, confiding in him so openly.

 

Getting to his feet, Victor groaned exaggeratedly as he indulged in a long stretch, and said, "I'm going to take a shower. I'm meeting Yuuri for breakfast in a little while."

 

"That's so sweet," Christophe said, getting up and giving Victor's shoulder a fond squeeze. "I'll leave you to it, then. Have fun, stud!"

 

Victor smiled at Christophe's retreating back, and sat back down once he shut the door behind him, feeling a surprising amount of exhaustion. He took a moment to give the discarded pillow another long squeeze, wishing it was Yuuri.

 

After answering Yakov's infuriated voice mails, Victor stepped into the bathroom to shed his clothes and step into the shower, closing his eyes as he stood beneath the stream of hot water.

 

He remembered his very few serious partners, and how they were usually just interested in the Victor they'd made up in their minds rather than the real Victor...if such a person even existed. 

 

He shuddered even though he was drenched in heat, the thought horrifying him. 

 

Was Yuuri going to be the same? After everything they'd spoken of last night?

 

 _Please, no,_ Victor hoped, fighting the sudden tightness in his throat. Christophe might have thought Yuuri was meek, but Victor truly believed Yuuri, with his sweet brown eyes, had the power to break his heart.

 

He shook it all off as best he could, scrubbing hard at his hair and trying not to think of Yuuri eventually leaving him for someone who was more exciting than Victor and would  _stay_ exciting for many more years. One of the things Victor had learned was that humans tended to have conditions when it came to love, though they would claim otherwise.

 

What conditions would Yuuri have for him?

 

A while later he was standing in the lobby. He shoved that screaming thought in the back of his mind (along with every other thought like it) as he tried to look calm and collected, reading Yuuri's message on his phone.

 

**YUURI:**

**I'll be there in two minutes!**

**sorry for making you wait!**

 

He couldn't help but smile at the message from his boyfriend. His  _boyfriend._ He held on to that wonderful, fluttery feeling in his chest, and suddenly he was sixteen years old again, idealistic and wishing someone would hold him and _want_ to keep holding him.

 

**VICTOR:**

**take your time yuurichka!!!**

 

He bit his lip, hesitating for only the briefest second before adding:

 

**VICTOR:**

**< 3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3**

 

Minutes later the elevator doors opened to reveal a very red-faced Yuuri, wide-eyed as he quickly made his way towards Victor, who gave him a look of total innocence. Simply adorable.

 

"Did you miss me?" Victor asked as he placed a hand on the small of Yuuri's back, drawing him in for a kiss. 

 

He loved the little shiver of surprise from the other man's body. Drawing away, he smiled at the way Yuuri's eyes remained closed for a moment longer, that warm flush brightening his face as he slowly opened his eyes. "I...Um..."

 

Speechless? That was certainly flattering. Victor leaned in to kiss his nose, very determined to start keeping a personal catalog of Yuuri's reactions to his touch. "Come on, I bet you're hungry," he said, throwing a hand around the younger man's shoulders and leading him out of the hotel.

 

After they'd eaten, Victor noticed the way Yuuri's gaze roamed, decidedly nervous. Victor could understand, wondering just how they could navigate a long-distance relationship, especially when Yuuri was still discouraged about his skating. 

 

"I made a decision," Yuuri said, tone suddenly firm as he looked up at Victor.

 

Trying to ignore the shaky feeling in his stomach, Victor smiled at him and said, "And here I thought you were getting bored with me already!"

 

Yuuri probably didn't hear the truth in the words, still looking at Victor with a sharp intensity that made the older man focus on him. "I'm going to win at Nationals, Four Continents, and I'm going to see you again at Worlds. And I'm going to win."

 

Oh, yes. Yuuri Katsuki was full of surprises.

 

"Such a bold statement, Yuuri," Victor commented as he reached for Yuuri's hand, delighted when Yuuri reached for him too. "Are you going to let me kiss your gold medal?"

 

"...Only if you kissed me first," Yuuri murmured, color blooming in his cheeks as he squeezed Victor's hand.

 

"It's a promise," Victor said, raising Yuuri's hand to his lips to kiss each finger.

 

Letting out a breathless laugh, Yuuri still looked a little anxious. Victor watched him bite his lip, thoughtful before he took a breath and began as he stared at their empty plates rather than at Victor, "It's just...this is new to me, a-and I'm  _more_ than willing to be...be in a long-distance relationship with you...I...just don't want to disappoint you."

 

The sadness in his eyes made Victor's heart hurt. "You couldn't disappoint me,  _detka,_ " he said, determined to take that sadness away from the other man. "Whatever you want, whatever you need, I'm perfectly willing to give it to you. I can be whatever you need me to be."

 

That was when Yuuri finally raised his gaze, round with shock and what looked like...mild displeasure. Victor could only blink at him, confused, as Yuuri shook his head and took Victor's hand in both of his, saying firmly, "Victor, I don't want you to  _be_ anything. I want you to just be... _you!"_

 

It was like he'd punched the air right out of him with those words. Victor felt his hand go limp in Yuuri's grip, and felt his heart beat so much harder than it had been just a few moments ago. "Yuuri..." He couldn't say anything else. He didn't know what he looked like. 

 

His breaths came a little harder, and he swallowed as he tried to root himself in that moment, to not retreat into himself and let the fact that Yuuri had  _said_ that actually register in his mind.

 

Still holding his hand, Yuuri softened his gaze. "It's the truth...You don't have to...put on a performance just so I'll like you. I already do. A lot."

 

Victor let out a shaky exhale, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand, noting how hot he felt. "It's...a little surprising to hear that," he said, caught off-guard by how subdued his voice sounded. 

 

_You have the power to break my heart._

 

"Why should it be?" Yuuri asked, utterly earnest.

 

Victor almost laughed bitterly at the question. How long had he pretended he was perfectly content? How many nights had he lost sleep trying to come up with something new and surprising to keep his audience happy? How long had he been ashamed of his own tears? All because he had to keep being Victor  _Fucking_ Nikiforov?

 

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to control that surge of bitterness inside of him, and met Yuuri's gaze steadily. "I've been called clingy, whiny, and petty. Knowing that, would you still want to be with me?"  _And that doesn't cover it. Wait until I don't even hear you talking to me because I'm in my own head trying to keep myself from bursting into tears or crawling back into bed because sometimes the days are just too hard too frightening..._

 

But then Yuuri nodded at him slowly, still looking at him with such tenderness. "It's unfair to expect you to be perfect. You already know I'm not perfect. You might be all those things, but...you're kind and generous, and you're really nice to your fans..." Then he laughed self-consciously, glancing at him timidly and adding, "What I'm trying to get at...is that I do want to be with you."

 

Victor couldn't respond, once again faced with the terrifying thought that all he was was a really good performance. That there was no "self" for him to be for Yuuri. 

 

_You're doing it again._

 

Yuuri was still holding his hand, likely anxious as he waited for Victor's response.

 

He looked at those brown eyes, wondering just what they saw when they looked at him. If they saw someone Victor had hidden away for the past two decades.

 

Just hidden out of sight, making a surprise appearance when a handsome Japanese skater happened to be around, with those pretty brown eyes.

 

Smiling softly, Victor murmured, "I want to be with you too. And yes, that's "myself" saying that to you."  _As scary as that is._

 

Maybe it wouldn't be so scary with Yuuri holding his hand, despite the fact that in a few hours Yuuri would be far from his reach.

 

Yuuri's answering laugh sounded so relieved, and Victor couldn't help but join in. It felt like a release, like his limbs were suddenly all fluid. 

 

 _I can make it to Worlds,_ he thought.

 

Of course it was easier to think about it than actually face the reality of it.

 

A few hours later (after rushing back to Yuuri's room for more talking and kissing) they were once again in the hotel lobby. Victor knew he was being clingy and whiny as he hugged Yuuri for far longer than was necessary, all while lamenting the months of separation that awaited them.

 

At least Yuuri was hugging him just as tightly, and Victor could feel him smiling against his neck. He could feel Celestino Cialdini's eyes on them, on him in particular, and could very well guess what he was thinking.  _I won't break his heart,_ he promised silently, pressing a long kiss to the top of Yuuri's head.

 

"Please call me," Victor murmured. "As soon as you land."

 

"You're going to get me in trouble on the plane, you know," Yuuri said, smiling up at him and wearing that lovely blush. "I'll call you once I'm actually in the airport. How does that sound?"

 

Reasonable. Painful. Too long a wait. Sighing raggedly, Victor nodded in acceptance. "It sounds fine, even if it means I have to suffer an extra ten minutes."

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes at him with a smirk, one that faded as he started to pull away with Victor. He watched those eyes fill with tears, watched him reach up to quickly brush them away. "I'll miss you," he said quietly, drawing his suitcase in front of him as though putting a barrier between them so they wouldn't rush into each other's arms again.

 

"I'll miss you too, _lapochk_ _a_ ," Victor said, already wanting those lips and that body against his again.

 

"...What does that mean? And that other word?" Yuuri asked, eyes wide and curious as he walked backwards towards his coach and dragged his suitcase along. 

 

Victor beamed at him as he laughed, and told him, "Sweetie pie. Honey. Baby."

 

He could have watched Yuuri blush like that for  _days_. 

 

He gave Victor one last lingering look and wave before turning around to follow his coach out of the hotel and into a taxi.

 

Once Yuuri was out of sight, Victor quickly dug his phone out of his pocket and opened his gallery. He opened the newest image and just looked at it, swallowing through the painful tightness in his throat.

 

It was another selfie, Yuuri laughing as he lay on top of Victor, who hadn't been able to resist winking at the camera.

 

He slid to the next image, a less-steady one of them in the middle of a kiss.

 

Sighing heavily, Victor tucked his phone away and smiled to himself. He made his way towards the elevators, too-aware of the merry beat of his heart as he turned his thoughts towards the choreography he promised Yuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song quoted: _I Just Had Sex_ by The Lonely Island
> 
> one more chapter to go, everybody. 
> 
> buckle up.
> 
> please comment!!!


	5. Chapter 5

"A gold medal at your Nationals!" Victor's laughing face filled the screen, and Yuuri couldn't get his heart under control. "I  _knew_ you could do it, Yuuri! Show me your medal again!"

 

Yuuri beamed at him as he raised his medal to the phone screen, pride filling his chest as he watched Victor's eyes glow at the sight of it. "Winning it felt so good," he said. "I didn't think I could feel that way again after the Final."

 

"What did I tell you?" Victor said with a smug look. "You had the talent all along. You just needed the confidence."

 

Yuuri shook off the thought that it all might have been another fluke. He didn't want to bring either of them down, not now, not during the call.  _It's enough that Victor has faith in me. I can't let him down._

 

Barely a handful of days and Yuuri  _missed_ Victor, more than he would have thought possible. Whatever he'd done to get that ache out of his mind during his program, but it was certainly something he wanted to replicate during the next few competitions he had.  _Gotta make it to Worlds, Yuuri,_ he told himself.

 

"Bet you wish you were here to kiss it, don't you?" he asked, grinning at the man who then sighed in agony.

 

"So cruel to remind me of the distance between us, Yuuri, when you know I'm  _dying_ to hold you in my arms again!"

 

"It's just a little while longer, Victor."

 

"An eternity!"

 

Yuuri quietly agreed, but instead chose to just keep smiling at the man. He had to stay strong for his own sake, and maybe even for Victor's too. "Alright. I'll stop being so cruel and tell you about how Kenjirou Minami looked like he was going to faint when he saw me. He still managed to win silver, though."

 

"Aw, my Yuurichka has a fanboy!"

 

* * *

 

Yuuri figured that a meeting between Phichit and Victor would be memorable, but he never thought it would be at the expense of his dignity.

 

Phichit was the one keeping online tabs on the semi-public status of Yuuri and Victor's relationship. "Semi" because Victor couldn't help dropping hints about "someone special" in his life while Yuuri preferred to keep the press out of his private life. He did, however, smile a little whenever he happened to be on Twitter and spotted speculations about #victuuri based on their one public selfie.

 

They were getting along, which was a bit of a relief for Yuuri. He was surprised by how nervous he was about them meeting, observing the easy, earnest way Victor was speaking to Phichit while the younger skater held his own before the Russian skating god.

 

It was almost as if they'd known each other forever, both of them confident in a way that Yuuri struggled to be. With Victor and Phichit together (separated by continents and a laptop screen), their excitement was almost infectious. Yuuri smiled, enjoying the relaxed atmosphere as he took a sip of his coffee.

 

He should have known something was about to go terribly, terribly wrong when Phichit gave him a smirk and turned back to the laptop to say, "Well, Victor, I'm sure I don't have to tell  _you_ that Yuuri's a catch. He's good-looking, a great skater...and an amazing pole-dancer."

 

Yuuri choked on his coffee, his relaxed state reduced to a pleasant memory as he watched Phichit beam at the wide-eyed Russian on the screen. "PHICHIT!"

 

He caught Victor's gaze, catching a dangerous looking spark in their depths as they beheld Yuuri in a delightedly fascinated way. "...You can pole dance?!" Victor asked him, and Yuuri once again felt like those bright blue eyes were picking him apart, eager to make some other discovery without prompting from Phichit.

 

Yuuri's cheeks colored and he lowered his gaze to his coffee, trying not to imagine what Victor could possibly be thinking. "I-I took classes to...to strengthen my core! It wasn't a big deal!"

 

"He's just being modest, Victor," Phichit, that traitor, exclaimed as he patted Yuuri's shoulders. "Yuuri here was practically the best in the class."

 

 _I am going to turn your hamsters against you,_ Yuuri silently swore.  _The bonds you've built with them will be irrevocably broken..._

 

"I bet he was," he heard Victor say in a very obvious tone. He peered up to see the man looking at him with blatant interest, and Yuuri was caught between wishing he were with him and hiding underneath his blankets. "What do I have to do to get a private show, Yuurichka?" Victor asked with a wink.

 

" _Oh my god,_ " Yuuri muttered into his cup, thoroughly betrayed by both his best friend and boyfriend in an instant.

 

* * *

 

The grey hat was incredibly thick and warm, though the ear flaps were long enough that they went past Yuuri's chin, hanging down almost comically.

 

But Yuuri wasn't laughing as he held it in his hands, almost close to his chest as his eyes went from the hat to Victor's face on the laptop screen. He looked so proud of himself, gazing at Yuuri fondly as he said, "It's called an  _ushanka_. I hope you like the color. I would have asked but I wanted it to be a surprise!"

 

And it was. Yuuri hadn't expected the package, or what lay within it. It was big enough that he knew he would attract a few stares if he wore it outside, but...Yuuri knew he was going to wear it until it was warm again. Later he called Victor through skype, and as soon as he appeared Yuuri showed him the hat. Now he asked quietly, "Victor...why did you...?"

 

"You mentioned you lost your beanie when you were doing laundry," Victor explained simply. "I know it can get cold in Detroit, so I wanted to make sure your poor head didn't freeze. Do you like it?"

 

"I love it!" Yuuri exclaimed, slightly breathless as his heart raced and his cheeks turned red. "Thank you so much...I...don't know how to repay you," he said in quiet tones, a sweet ache filling his chest as he looked at Victor.

 

Things like this were overwhelming sometimes. Not in a bad way, but in a way that left Yuuri speechless and wondering  _why_ he deserved something so wonderful.

 

"Repay me by staying safe and warm," the older man said to him before blowing him a kiss.

 

* * *

 

**VICTOR:**

**I'VE FINISHED YURI'S PROGRAM.**

 

**YUURI:**

**That's great! What did he think??**

 

**VICTOR:**

**I'm still fine tuning a few things, but I'll have it ready for him after Worlds.**

 

**YUURI:**

**So it's NOT finished.**

 

**VICTOR:**

**IT IS**

**I just want to make sure it's perfect!**

**I owe you a dozen kisses for your daily reminders to work on it.**

 

**YUURI:**

**Come on. It wasn't daily!**

 

**VICTOR:**

**It was**

 

**YUURI:**

**IT WASN'T**

 

**VICTOR:**

**Do you really not want a dozen more kisses?**

 

**YUURI:**

**...it was...probably daily.**

 

**VICTOR:**

**;)**

 

* * *

  

**VICTOR:**

**You looked worried last night when we were on skype.**

 

**YUURI:**

**I just had a lot on my mind.**

 

**VICTOR:**

**Do you want to talk about it?**

 

**YUURI:**

**Do you mind if I call you?**

 

**VICTOR:**

**Of course not. I'm ready whenever you are.**

 

While they never got around to talking about whatever "it" was, they  _did_  talk. Yuuri just wished they could touch.

 

* * *

 

"Makkachin is starting to worry me." And indeed, Victor looked a  _little_ worried, repeatedly tapping his lips with a fingertip. 

 

"Why, what's wrong?" Yuuri asked, immediately concerned for Victor's large, gorgeous, and wonderful poodle. 

 

"He keeps trying to eat things he's not supposed to."

 

That _was_ a problem. Yuuri made a dismayed noise, saying, "Oh, no. Like what?"

 

Victor glanced at something past his own laptop screen, presumably at the canine culprit, and said, "Yuri's grandpa came for a surprise visit and brought us some pirozhki. I came home, put the bag on the couch for a moment, and the next thing I know Makkachin's running off with them. At least I caught him in time."

 

Well that was certainly a relief, though Victor would have to be a bit more vigilant when it came to his crafty dog's penchant for eating forbidden items. As though knowing they were talking about him, Makkachin suddenly appeared on screen with a soft  _boof_ , tongue lolling out of his mouth. Yuuri couldn't resist laughing as Victor gathered his dog into his arms. "He looks so disappointed, though!"

 

"He is! Look at him," Victor said with a pout, pressing his cheek to the top of Makkachin's head. "Such a naughty puppy. He knows what he did wrong."

 

There were moments in conversations, whether it be through phone or text or video, when Yuuri thought,  _This is when we'd kiss. Maybe I'd take the first step and he'd take another before grabbing me and kissing me._

 

Yuuri had already realized that  _this_ Victor, giggling, ridiculous, and goofy, was a Victor only he was privy to. It was still such humbling knowledge, and Yuuri allowed himself to feel a little smug about it. 

 

* * *

 

**VICTOR:**

**TOMORROW**

**WE REUNITE TOMORROW!**

**ARE YOU EXCITED?**

 

**YUURI:**

**I am!!!**

 

**VICTOR:**

**< 3 <3 <3 <3 <3**

 

Yuuri gazed at those hearts, stomach tight with nerves. They were steadily building up into something horribly familiar, and Yuuri realized he was in almost the same state as a few months ago, faced with skating at the Grand Prix Final for the first time and just _knowing_ he wouldn't even be near Victor's level.

 

He closed his eyes and breathed, not wanting to experience another panic attack or else keep binge eating. His weight gain wasn't noticeable with his clothes on, but he knew he wasn't in top form.  _Just like at the Final_ , he thought, his stomach giving an anxious pang. 

 

_I need to see you again. I need to be good enough, I need to prove that I'm..._

 

He didn't know if he could finish that thought, knowing what Victor would probably say if he did. He'd probably look a little disappointed and disheartened before telling Yuuri not to think that way.

 

Opening his eyes, Yuuri looked at the hearts again, trying to drive every other thought away with those little emojis. He blushed a little, wondering what he would do when he saw Victor. Unfortunately Yuuri forgot he had an audience, and he heard Phichit give a low whistle. "Wow, look at that blush. Are you two sexting? Should I leave the room?"

 

" _WE'RE NOT SEXTING!"_

 

* * *

 

**VICTOR:**

**I CAN SEE YOU! STAY RIGHT THERE!**

 

**YUURI:**

**Where are you?**

 

Yuuri's heart pounded hard enough so it felt like his entire body was rattling, and he briefly thought that he would faint before he even caught sight of Victor. He looked around, both parts anxious and excited as he searched for that familiar head of soft silver hair among the dozens of people in the hotel lobby.

 

It didn't occur to him to turn around until a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist, making him let out a shocked yelp as he was lifted up in a hard hug.

 

A familiar voice laughed in his ear with the enthusiasm of a child, and Yuuri immediately smiled as he realized who it was that was spinning him around. "Victor!"

 

The Russian stopped spinning and just held Yuuri, who sighed shakily as he leaned back into the solid and warm shape of Victor's body. He closed his eyes as those arms squeezed him, hands molding over his chest greedily and lips landing on the top of his head. "I've got you," he heard Victor murmur in a victorious rumble before kissing Yuuri's hair.

 

They were likely making a scene, because Yuuri could hear people chattering around them. His eyes shot open as heat blazed across his face, and he pulled away from Victor to turn around and face him. He looked up into that overjoyed face for the briefest moment before those arms caught him again, a hand finding its way to Yuuri's hair to tilt his face up so Victor could kiss him.

 

The rush of blood through Yuuri's ears drowned everything out as Victor's tongue instantly slid across his lips, slipping between them so he could kiss Yuuri slow and sweet. Closing his eyes, Yuuri felt the urgency in Victor's hold, and knew this was him making up for lost time, for the distance between them.

 

Even so, Yuuri drew away gently, trying not to breathe hard as he gazed up at Victor and tried to ignore the stares and voices from around them.  _Tried_.

 

Victor gave him such a tender look at he traced Yuuri's lips with his thumb, pressing their foreheads together as he mumbled, "I missed you so much."

 

He sounded like he'd been denied some basic human need for an indeterminate amount of time. Yuuri exhaled, long and shaky, as he closed his eyes and tried to ease the nervous feeling in his stomach. He didn't want it to ruin the happiness he was experiencing in Victor's arms. "I missed you too," he said quietly.

 

Beaming at him, Victor leaned forward to kiss the tip of Yuuri's nose, brushing it with his before asking in carrying tones, "My room or yours?"

 

Yuuri paled, his eyes growing round as he stared at Victor's nonchalant expression. "Huh!?"

 

"I think we should go to your room this time!"

 

"Not so loud!" Yuuri hissed, trying to cover Victor's mouth.

 

"Why? They already saw us kiss!" Victor mumbled from behind Yuuri's fingers.

 

" _Shush!"_

 

They did end up in Yuuri's room, though Victor's phone was buzzing with unanswered calls from his irritated coach for a long while. It was nice, it was fun, it was... _really_ hard for Yuuri to keep his hands above Victor's waist.

 

 _I can do this,_ Yuuri thought as he listened to Victor go on about his flight and all the things he wanted to do for their pre-competition and post-competition dates.  _I can challenge him. I can be as good as he is._

 

Even so, Yuuri couldn't sleep.

 

* * *

 

No one interrupted Yuuri when he hid in a bathroom stall this time.

 

No one kicked through the door as he choked out several sobs for about fifteen minutes.

 

Even alone, Yuuri couldn't bear to let anyone hear or see him like this.

 

He was grateful Victor wasn't in the bathroom with him. To tell the truth, Yuuri didn't really know where the other man was. Everything was a blur from the moment the final results were in and Yuuri landed in seventh place. All he really noticed was Victor at the top of the podium, brilliant and beautiful, with Christophe and Otabek Altin at his sides.

 

_Not even bronze. You couldn't get over yourself enough for the bronze medal?_

 

Yuuri's throat and chest ached, cutting through the fog in his brain as effectively as the pathetic-sounding sobs that echoed in the stall. 

 

For all his bravado in the past months, Yuuri couldn't even keep his promise to meet Victor as an equal.

 

He blew his nose with the scratchy and thin toilet paper, fully aware that he was going to look like a mess when he emerged.  _I wonder if I could just lay low in here for a few hours. Maybe Yakov already dragged Victor back to the hotel..._

 

Ripping out more inadequate toilet paper to wipe his face clean, Yuuri took several deep breaths before leaving the stall, and immediately regretted glancing up towards the mirrors. He looked  _awful_. 

 

It was enough to almost make him retreat into the stall and break into fresh tears. How on earth could he let Victor see him like this, especially when Victor looked like a shining god with that gold medal around his beautiful neck?

 

And Yuuri in seventh place.

 

What the hell was he thinking? How could he let himself become so cocky and sure that everything was perfect? Vicchan was gone, Yuuri was homesick, and he was still performing poorly in spite of all the faith Victor had in him. 

 

How could he keep letting him down like this?

 

He washed his face, trying to rid himself of the red in his eyes and trying not to think about how dismayed Victor probably was.

 

 _No, Victor's happy,_ he thought bitterly.  _He's got his gold medal and everything's going great for him._

 

With a shaky exhale, Yuuri pushed away from the sink and slid his glasses back on, ignoring the ache in his throat and the stinging in his eyes. 

 

_What am I doing here?_

 

_What is Victor doing with me?_

 

With those questions in mind, Yuuri walked out of the bathroom, dragging his suitcase out with him.

 

He gave a surprised jolt when he saw Victor standing in front of him, an exhausted and concerned look in his eyes. 

 

Victor sighed in what appeared to be relief, taking a step closer towards Yuuri. "Your coach told me you ran over here. He gave me your water bottle." Then he stretched a hand out to show it to him, adding, "It looks like you could use it. How are you feeling?"

 

 _How do you think I'm feeling?_ Yuuri thought irritably as he took the bottle without a word, Victor's tenderly worried look beating at him. He did feel grateful when the cool water soothed his throat.

 

Sighing heavily, Yuuri looked at the floor and said in a rough voice, "Congratulations on your medal. That's your fifth Championship gold, isn't it?"  _As if you don't know the answer._

 

He gasped softly at the feeling of Victor's arms wrapping securely around him, close to letting his tears come out when Victor's hand stroked his hair in a soothing motion. 

 

"It's alright, Yuuri," Victor whispered before kissing his ear. "I know you'll do better next time. It's alright."

 

 _That's all you can say?! That it's alright? What's alright?!_ Yuuri wanted to shout.  _I feel like I should hate you, but I can't! You deserved that medal, you worked so hard for it._

 

_I don't deserve you._

 

He didn't say anything. But, like a fool, he held on to Victor by the waist, even though he knew that what they had would likely come to its inevitable end.

 

 _Just a little while longer,_ he prayed.  _Let me be close to him just a little while longer._

 

They got into a taxi together after retrieving their luggage and quick words with their coaches, Yuuri leaning his forehead against the cool window and keeping his eyes closed as his head started pounding. He was too aware of the seconds passing by, turning into precious minutes when Yuuri wasn't holding Victor as close as he could.

 

Victor kept holding his hand, grip tightening in a nervous way every now and then, and asked in a soft, coaxing tone, "Do you want to go eat something, Yuuri?"

 

"Not really," Yuuri replied in a tight voice. "I think I just want to go to bed."

 

"That's a good idea," Victor said much too lightly, giving Yuuri's hand another squeeze. If he was at all disappointed he was hiding it well.

 

Yuuri appreciated it a little, but then he asked, "Aren't you hungry, though?"

 

"Not really."

 

He didn't fight him on it. He wanted to be selfish, especially when Victor's presence in his life seemed more fleeting than ever. How on earth was Yuuri going to bear another long separation after this?

 

Even when he knew the end was coming, Yuuri wanted Victor as close as possible for as long as he could keep him close. Once at the hotel they texted Yakov and Celestino, and Yuuri stepped into the elevator first and let his finger hover over the buttons, biting his lip before turning to say to Victor, "You can come to my room if you want."

 

He avoided the other's gaze, heart close to pounding through his ribs as an eternity seemed to pass before Victor answered, "Alright..." 

 

 _These past few days have been amazing. Better than I ever hoped they'd be,_ Yuuri thought, silent during the elevator ride. They'd spent so much time together when they weren't practicing, talking and kissing and holding on to each other, and Yuuri had almost fooled himself into believing he would always have that.

 

Victor was uncharacteristically quiet, but it was just as well. Yuuri feared looking into the man's face and finding pity or disgust.  _I want us to be closer. Even if it's the last time._

 

Yuuri didn't do things like this. The thought first crossed his mind in Sochi, when he was hanging on to Victor while the man led him to his room, excitement and shock coursing through his veins. Now he wasn't excited, but was nervous and shaky as he tried to talk himself into something part of him knew he wasn't ready for.

 

He tried to look impassive as he fumbled with his key card, heart giving a painful thud when the sensor turned green and he could open the door. He swallowed through the painful tightness in his throat. He didn't want it to happen this way. He didn't want Victor to see his hollowed out face and tear-reddened eyes when the time came that they could  _finally_ stop taking things slow. 

 

Yuuri pulled his coat off, the silence between them loud and frightening. He threw his coat on a chair, the floor, he didn't know, and quickly toed his sneakers off as he felt his heart give a sort of tremble.  _Don't back down, just do this before you lose him forever._

 

Victor's coat was halfway off when Yuuri turned around and tugged him down into a hard kiss. Yuuri swallowed the surprised noise that slipped out of Victor's mouth, pulling him back with him until Yuuri felt the backs of his knees hit the bed. He fell back onto it with a grunt, Victor catching himself with his hands on either side of Yuuri's head. His blue eyes were wide with shock as he looked down at Yuuri, open mouthed and breathing hard.

 

"Yuuri, I-"

 

With another rough pull, Victor was finally on him, Yuuri catching his face between his hands so he could mold their lips together in a desperate and hard kiss. 

 

It wasn't sweet or slow, and Yuuri didn't feel that wonderful, building heat that eventually melted him down into a kiss-drunk puddle, only able to breathe and gaze up at the man responsible for getting him into such a state. It was sloppy and it only reminded Yuuri that the end was fast approaching. Even so he would chase the feeling and every other feeling involving Victor for as long as he could.

 

Victor tried to draw away, tried to wrap his arms around Yuuri and soften the kiss, pulling away briefly for breath before Yuuri surged up towards his lips again. _Stay with me. Just stay with me, please_ , he begged in his mind, burying his hands in Victor's hair. He let go if only to crawl backwards onto the bed, drawing a thunderstruck Victor along with him.

 

Grabbing Victor's shoulders, Yuuri quickly shoved him onto his back, and for a brief moment Yuuri smiled in appreciation of the little grunt Victor let out. He had to smile again at the shaky gasp the man let out when Yuuri began to straddle him, knees pressing tight against Victor's hips.

 

Yuuri spared Victor's face another look before kissing him again, nipping sharply at his lips while rolling his hips onto Victor's. They both let out a shaky moan at that, and Yuuri could feel his heart galloping almost painfully, lightning shooting through him at the motion. Victor bit his lip, his hands roughly grabbing Yuuri's hips to stop him from moving as he ground out, "Yuuri...Yuuri, slow down."

 

Pressing their foreheads together, Yuuri shook his head, desperation and need, none of it gentle or sweet, swirling through his exhausted body. "Victor," he whispered before licking into Victor's mouth and attempting another roll of his hips. 

 

He could feel Victor's grip falter, could already feel the bruises Victor's hands would leave. He still wanted more, as much as he could get, and struggled against Victor's stubborn hands as he bit and licked at those soft lips. trying to leave his own mark on the god underneath him.

 

Then Victor tore away from him, drawing away as far as he could despite the way Yuuri was clinging to him. "Yuuri, we should stop," Victor said in a hard voice, panting hard as he gave Yuuri a pleading stare.

 

Yuuri could feel the cracks forming on the surface of his heart as he looked at the man underneath him, all of his bravery reducing to a cold trickle through his stomach. "Why?" he asked weakly. "You don't have to keep waiting for me, I'm ready."

 

"You're upset," Victor replied, voice softened and hands loosening their hold on Yuuri's hips.

 

"I'm not upset!" Yuuri retorted, hating that his voice sounded so wretchedly pathetic.  _Please let me do this for you, just this once..._

 

" _Yuuri,"_ Victor whispered harshly, gaze turning hard.

 

Humiliation knifed through Yuuri. "...Don't you want this?" he managed to ask, his voice beginning to shake as he shifted away from Victor. He felt exposed, horribly so, and the feeling worsened as his eyes began to sting with tears. "...Am I really so awful?" 

 

Victor's eyes widened again, and he paled before letting Yuuri's hips go so he could cup his face between his warm hands. "Of course you're not!" he answered firmly, before pulling Yuuri into one more kiss, hot and lingering. "Yuuri, I  _want_ you," he whispered against Yuuri's tingling lips.

 

Yuuri trembled as he stared at Victor, seeing him close his eyes and hearing his ragged sigh. "Then why-"

 

"Because you look like you're about to cry," Victor replied quietly, opening his eyes again and gazing at Yuuri with such tenderness and fragility. "...You can if you want to."

 

"I thought you didn't know what to do when people cry," Yuuri muttered bitterly, nearing his breaking point as that fragile look chipped at his heart.

 

"I could work on that," Victor said, running gentle fingers over Yuuri's face. "I can hold you if you want, as long as you want me to."

 

Yuuri wanted to hold on as long as possible. He wanted to be angry, to be impassive, to pretend he wasn't such a pathetic, monumental  _loser_ that he was to upset to even attempt seducing his boyfriend, even if it proved to be an awkward attempt.

 

 _Why? Why do you have to be so annoyingly_ good _? Why do you make everything look so easy? Why are you even with me tonight?_

 

Yuuri's face crumpled and he hid it in Victor's shoulder as a broken sob made its way out his mouth, and he cried as Victor held on to him tightly. 

 

 _This is it, then,_ he thought, sobbing harder as Victor dragged a hand through his hair.  _This is how you'll remember me. A failure who blubbered all over your shoulder like an idiot._

 

It hurt. It hurt so much but it felt so good to let his fury and powerlessness out. And Victor just held on to him, saying something in soft tones.  _Why are you with me? Why are you wasting your time? I'm no good, don't you get it?!_

 

They exchanged no other words that night, Yuuri succumbing to exhaustion in Victor's arms.

 

When he woke, Victor was spooning him from behind, a hand splayed over his belly. 

 

When they went their separate ways, Victor refused to say goodbye. He just hugged and kissed Yuuri, promising to call him all while wearing that beautiful heart-shaped smile that Yuuri loved.

 

Yuuri just gave him a weak smile in return, nodding in agreement to everything he said and closing his eyes to let those sweet kisses carry him away for just a few brief moments.

 

And when Victor did leave, Yuuri found that he couldn't even think of "goodbye".

 

As much as he knew he needed to, he couldn't let Victor go.

 

For the second time in months, Yuuri realized he didn't know what to do.

 

* * *

 

He hadn't told Victor. 

 

Yuuri had packed up the last five years of his life, gotten on a plane, and taken a train to Hasetsu, where he was met by a too-enthusiastic Minako and a flurry of inexplicably proud locals. His own face surrounded him in dozens of posters, displayed throughout the station, and Yuuri felt like each one was mocking him, like the Yuuri in the posters was just trying to imitate Victor again.

  

Coward that he was, Yuuri didn't want to just say it was over. While he was traveling, he did reply to Victor's texts, telling him he was fine, asking about him and Makkachin.

 

He knew he was lying. He knew he had to tell him eventually.

 

_What's wrong with me? Am I really this selfish?_

 

He was. God help him, he was. He couldn't even come clean with Victor and just let him go so he could find someone who  _did_ deserve him. 

 

When he entered his room his heart plummeted at the sight of the posters on his walls, and he kicked himself for having forgotten about them. He couldn't bear to look at them, not after having held and kissed the real thing.

 

But he didn't take them down. 

 

It was Mari who shamed him into calling when he finally admitted that Victor had no idea he'd left Detroit, using a few choice words before shoving him into his room with an order to call Victor and tell him the truth.

 

Yuuri had to fight down the nauseous sensation in his stomach as he stared at his phone, thumb hovering over the call button as he wondered if his dishonesty would be the thing that drove Victor away.

 

He felt like an idiot for hoping Victor would forgive him so they could just carry on the way they had been.

 

His thumb tapped the screen, and Yuuri breathed shallowly as he shakily brought the phone to his ear, dreading the sound of Victor's voice.

 

Shame blazed through him at Victor's joyful greeting. "Yuuri! I'm so happy you called,  _lapochka!_ I missed hearing you! Texts just aren't enough to sustain me, you cruel man! I had to distract myself by going over Yuri's program with him and Yakov. It's finally finished!"

 

Yuuri swallowed, closing his eyes and leaning back against the door before sinking down to the floor. "Hi...I'm sorry about that."

 

"Well, you're forgiven. Tell me how you've been doing!" Victor exclaimed. His cheery mood would have been infectious if Yuuri weren't so terrified. "Tell me if the snow started melting in Detroit! I looked up the weather forecast and apparently you're due for a more snowfall this week!"

 

Opening his eyes, Yuuri took a deep breath and started tugging at a loose thread in his shirt, rolling it tightly over his index finger. "I...I'm actually not in Detroit."

 

"Really? Are you taking a surprise trip with Phichit?"

 

 _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry._  "I'm...I'm back home in Hasetsu. I broke things off with my coach...I'm taking some time off."

 

There it was, out in the open. 

 

It didn't come as a surprise to Yuuri that the knot in his stomach only tightened further, especially when several moments passed without Victor saying anything.

 

His heart pounded hard, and he almost didn't hear Victor ask in hushed tones, "...What?"

 

Yuuri shut his eyes again and nodded. "Yeah..."

 

"...W-why would you do that? Because of what happened at Worlds?!"

 

"I..." Yuuri covered his face with a hand, the hurt incredulity in Victor's voice hurting him. "I knew it had to be a fluke...I caved in to the pressure, and...It was the Final all over again." 

 

He shut his mouth after that, knowing he was going to burst into tears if he said more. He didn't want to put that on Victor again, and he couldn't help but wonder what was going through the man's head. Was he going to admit that Yuri Plisetsky was right all along, and that Yuuri really was a weakling? 

 

Yuuri was so close to hanging up, but then he heard Victor ask softly, "What are you going to do? You're not retiring, are you?"

 

If he sensed any pain or hope in Victor's voice he didn't address it. "No, I just...I have to try to...to figure things out...I need to think about things..."  _About us. About whether or not I want to keep dragging you down with me._ But Yuuri couldn't say any of that. In the end he was still selfish enough to hold out for more, even when he knew it was better to just put an end to things.  _We didn't have enough time..._ Cursing his cowardice, Yuuri shakily added, "I want to keep skating, I do, but...I don't know how I'm going to do that...I need help..."

 

He hated himself for admitting his weakness, and didn't know why he even said he needed help. What could Victor do?

 

He wondered what Victor was doing. Was he pacing? Was he tapping his lips in that nervous way of his?

 

For a moment Yuuri imagined Victor sitting across from him, that pained, worried expression on his face. Something rare and utterly human that only Yuuri had ever seen, nothing like the perfection Victor displayed when performing. Yuuri so wanted to crawl towards that imaginary VIctor, to sink into the comfort of those arms and listen to Victor tell him that everything was going to be fine. He almost broke when he heard Victor quietly say, "Yuuri..."

 

It was too much, much more than Yuuri deserved. He felt wretched and undeserving of every good thing that had happened to him since December. First Vicchan, now Victor. It seemed that he just couldn't stop disappointing everyone he cared about. "Can I...Can I call you tomorrow?" he asked, already mentally berating himself for prolonging this.

 

Victor immediately replied, "Yes. Yes, of course. I'll be here."

 

 _You don't deserve this,_ Yuuri told himself.  _Why are you pretending like you do?_   "I'll try not to take up too much time," he said with false cheeriness, feeling tears stream down his face.

 

"Please call me, Yuuri," Victor said, almost begging.

 

Yuuri didn't reply to that, hanging up and exhaling in a hard sob. Soon he'd have to say goodbye to Victor, to the way those blue eyes lit up when they saw him, the way his hands held his, the way he kissed him like he wanted to take his breath away. To the way Victor looked at him like he was, without a doubt, the best part of his day.

 

 _I have to let you go,_ he thought as he drew his knees to his chest.  _But I can't. I just can't._

 

* * *

 

It snowed the next morning.

 

Yuuri woke up embarrassingly late, his eyes and muscles aching from all the crying. His mother was outside of his room, reminding him that he needed to get up and do something that didn't involve sleeping the day away. Like shoveling the snow. 

 

His fitful sleep brought him no answers, but he did want to try and call Victor. He realized he hadn't even apologized for keeping Victor in the dark about his...unofficial retirement, and he at least owed him that...and a clean break. That too.

 

"As long as it gets you out of bed, go ahead and call your boyfriend," his mother told him with an understanding smile. "But the entrance does need shoveling."

 

"I'll do it," Yuuri promised, tiredly tugging his phone out of his pocket as he reached for his coat and started to pull his boots on. He sat on the step leading into the inn, anxiously chewing on the inside of his cheek as he listened to the dial tone. He still didn't know how or when they would formally end this...ill-fated thing between them, but for now Yuuri could at least apologize.

 

He was about to hang up when he remembered the time difference, but was surprised when he heard Victor's chipper voice on the other end. "Yuuri! This is...a surprise!"

 

"I know, I know. You were probably sleeping," Yuuri said, blushing in embarrassment. "Don't worry, I'll call you later-"

 

"No, no, don't hang up Yuuri!" Victor exclaimed, sounding a little bit breathless and shaky. "I wasn't sleeping, don't worry!"

 

Frowning, Yuuri got to his feet and asked, "Are you okay? You sound strange. Are you out jogging?"

 

"No, not jogging. But it  _is_ cold, Yuurichka."

 

Was his heat not working? "It's cold here too. I'm about to go out and shovel the snow. It kind of caught us by surprise."

 

"It looks like you have a lot of work to do. It's almost up to my knees!"

 

Yuuri's frown deepened as his confusion grew. "...What are you talking about?" he asked, sliding the door open and watching the soft snow shift towards him.

 

Then Yuuri found himself tackled by a large, brown, furry mass, and fell backwards with a yelp as a wet tongue started licking at his face excitedly. 

 

Dazed and laughing breathlessly at the tickling sensation, Yuuri sat up to look at his assailant. It was as if an enlarged version of Vicchan had attacked him, but...Yuuri had seen enough of this dog to recognize who he was. "...Makkachin?!"

 

"Makkachin! I was supposed to kiss him first!"

 

Yuuri froze at the sound of that scolding voice. He hadn't expected to hear it again in person. Mouth open in shock, Yuuri stared past Makkachin to see a tall, silver-haired man walking through the door, a wide smile on his face as he looked down at the man and dog in front of him. Yuuri stared at him, heart racing at the sight of him, and asked in a flabbergasted voice, "... _Victor...?_ What are you doing here?"

 

Victor gave him one of those brilliant smiles, but Yuuri caught the angry and hurt gleam in his eyes as he knelt down to gently coax the poodle off of Yuuri before telling him in a _very_ playful tone, "You are in a  _lot_ of trouble,  _lapochka._ "

 

Yuuri could only gape at him, feeling like a trout, and jumped in surprise when he heard his father exclaim from behind him in English, "Say! Aren't you Yuuri's good-looking foreign boyfriend?"

 

_DAD. NO._

 

Screaming inwardly, Yuuri could only watch as Victor aimed that friendly smile at Yuuri's father before replying joyfully, "Yes I am!" Then he took hold of Yuuri's hands and effortlessly pulled him to his feet, wrapping an arm around him as he added, "And I'm here to coach him too!"

 

Yuuri stopped breathing and turned his head slowly to look at Victor incredulously before shouting, " _What did you say!?"_

 

"You heard me, Yuurichka," Victor said with a quick squeeze of his hands before meeting Yuuri's gaze with his own determined one. "You're going to win gold at the Grand Prix Final. I'll make sure of that."

 

 _What just happened?_ Yuuri asked himself as he looked up at Victor's smiling face.

 

* * *

  

Yuuri's back ached, but he knew he had only himself to blame, shoveling snow so hastily while his family helped his...boyfriend get settled in.

 

 _Why am I still calling him that?_ he berated himself.  _What is he even doing here? He can't be serious about just leaving everything behind to coach me!_

 

The amount of boxes that Victor brought with him contradicted that thought.

 

And the dog. Yuuri couldn't forget about the dog.

 

When he entered the dining room he froze, taking in the scene in front of him.

 

Victor was fast asleep and lying spread-eagle on the floor with Makkachin lying against his side, his  _jinbei_ left open so he was practically giving Yuuri's mother, sister, and former ballet teacher quite a show. 

 

"What is this about him taking a year off, Yuuri!?" Minako hissed as soon as she saw Yuuri. "Is he really going to coach you this season?"

 

Yuuri stared back at her, not really knowing what to say. "I...I don't..."

 

He closed his mouth at the sound of a sleepy sigh from Victor, eyes quickly flicking over to him as he turned to his side and hugged Makkachin closer. He looked utterly exhausted, the dark shadows beneath his eyes extremely noticeable, and Yuuri guiltily wondered if he'd gotten any sleep at all after Yuuri called him to tell the truth.  _Don't tell me you did all of this for me._

 

"He's such a sweet young man," Hiroko said quietly with a fond look in Victor and Makkachin's direction. "He asked for  _katsudon_ right away because he said he wanted to eat Yuuri's favorite food."

 

"Then he fell dead asleep as soon as he was finished," Mari added, eyes raking over Victor's slumbering form before she raised them to look at Yuuri. "And you. Dad said you didn't even kiss him. Is he  _that_ angry at you about lying to him?"

 

"I didn't lie!" Yuuri whispered harshly, nervously glancing at Victor. "I just...didn't tell him the whole truth..." The flimsy excuse did nothing to ease his guilt.

 

"That's between them, Mari," Hiroko chided gently. "Besides, I'm sure Vicchan here would like to speak to Yuuri himself before getting a proper rest."

 

Soon enough Yuuri was left alone with the sleeping man and dog (though his mother had to cajole Minako out of the room, interrupting her gratuitous ogling), and he was once again at a loss over what to do next.

 

But he did know one thing: he was so unbelievably happy to see Victor again.

 

Minutes passed and then Victor let out a little sneeze, catching Yuuri by surprise, and then the man suddenly sat up, clutching his dog to his chest. Victor looked over his shoulder with a sniffle, blinking sleepily before a smile spread across his face when he saw Yuuri. "There's my sweet _katsudon_ ," he said happily.

 

Yuuri couldn't resist smiling at him, reaching over to adjust his  _jinbei_ when it started to slip off his shoulder. "Hi," he greeted quietly.

 

Moments later they were in Victor's "room". Yuuri looked around in mild shock at the way Victor's boxes just  _filled_ the space. "How...how's the room? I'm sorry we only had the unused banquet room available."

 

Victor was sitting cross-legged on his futon, looking at his surroundings with a contented smile as he patted Makkachin's head. "It's comfortable! I have to thank your parents again."

 

Yuuri shook his head, wondering with a surge of fear if the precariously-placed boxes would crush Victor. "I can't believe you brought your entire apartment..."

 

"What if I get homesick?" Victor asked, looking at Yuuri with wide eyes.

 

"Right...I can go if you're tired," Yuuri said, already walking backwards towards the door.

 

Then Victor stretched an arm out, reaching for Yuuri. "Come here. I missed you," he said imperiously.

 

Despite the voice in his head telling him to keep his distance, Yuuri knelt down and crawled towards Victor, heart pounding at the warm, welcoming smile the man gave him as he settled into his embrace. Yuuri sighed into Victor's neck, his mind starting to quiet as Victor ran greedy hands up and down his back. "I missed you too," he admitted, inhaling the scent of Victor's hair as it tickled his nose. He drew away reluctantly, looking right at Victor as he took in the fact that he was here, that they were in the same room. "Victor... _what are you doing here?"_

 

"I told you, I came to coach you, Yuuri," Victor replied matter-of-factly right before yawning and lying down, bringing Yuuri along with him and holding him to his chest.

 

Yuuri tried to shift and keep his weight off of him, but Victor stubbornly held on to him, burying a hand in his hair. Brow wrinkled with concern, Yuuri persisted, "But...what does this mean? What about Yakov? Does this mean you're retiring?"

 

It was a moment before Victor replied in a sleepy voice, "As far as anyone knows, I'm taking the year off to consider my options."

 

 _"THAT'S IT?!"_ Yuuri exclaimed, tearing away from Victor's grip to look down at him in disbelief.

 

Makkachin made a tiny noise of displeasure at Yuuri's outburst, and Victor gave a tired nod. "And Yakov certainly wasn't happy to see me go. Neither was Yuri. But this was important to me."

 

That...did not make Yuuri feel better about this entire situation. But he watched Victor's eyes droop closed and felt guiltier still. "I should let you sleep. You had a long trip."

 

"Won't you stay?" Victor asked in a small voice as he reached for him again. "At least until I fall asleep?"

 

Just how was Yuuri expected to deny Victor when he asked like _that?_  "...Just for a little while," he said, settling against Victor's other side and tentatively placing a hand on his belly, feeling its steady rise and fall.

 

Victor turned his head to press a kiss to the top of his head as he gave him a squeeze. "We're going to have a  _long_ talk tomorrow, Yuuri."

 

"I know," Yuuri muttered.

 

"...We could go to your room instead."

 

"W-why?!" Yuuri asked, blushing with dread.

 

"What, do you have giant posters of me in there? Maybe a body pillow?"

 

"...I never went as far as a body pillow..."

 

Victor snorted out a soft laugh, and didn't say another word as he fell asleep.

 

* * *

  

Victor slept until the next morning, and was very aware of Yuuri's efforts to avoid him.

 

" _Yuuri!_ Come eat breakfast with me!" he called while Hiroko patted his head.

 

"Already ate," Yuuri muttered, keeping his gaze averted as he rushed past.

 

At least Yuuri's mother adored him.

 

But he should have known Victor would catch up to him eventually. 

 

It was early in the afternoon and, after exhausting his chore options, was making his way to his room.

 

He yelped in surprise at the feeling of a hand grabbing his shoulder, and turned to find a dangerously-smiling Victor looking at him with barely-disguised irritation in his eyes.

 

"I told you we needed to talk," he reminded him sweetly before tugging him into the bedroom.

 

Yuuri had gotten rid of the posters before going to bed, but that didn't lessen his unease as Victor shut the door behind him and aimed an expectant look at him. "...What about?"

 

"You leaving Coach Celestino, leaving Detroit, and possibly giving up on skating," Victor said, listing them off of his fingers as his smile disappeared, leaving an angry look in its wake. "I didn't even hear about any of it until you were already here, Yuuri," he added with a hurt glare.

 

"Was I supposed to consult you? Wait for your approval?" Yuuri asked, suddenly feeling defensive even when the look in Victor's eyes cut through him.

 

"No! No, not that, it's just..." Victor cut himself off with a hard sigh, the anger fading from his eyes and frame. He suddenly looked smaller, less like the stormy figure who just blew into Hasetsu unexpectedly. He raised his gaze to Yuuri's again, a tender vulnerability in their depths, mixing with the leftover pain. "...You scared me, Yuuri," he said, voice quiet.

 

"Scared you? How did I scare you?!"

 

Victor was quiet for a moment, closing his eyes and breathing steadily before saying in a shaky voice, "...You said you needed to think about things. You weren't clear about what you meant, and..." He opened his eyes and looked right at Yuuri again, and said, "You're doubting yourself, Yuuri. You're...doubting us. Why?"

 

"...Because I..." Yuuri felt fear close around his throat, fear of revealing weakness even when Victor looked close to tears. 

 

Sighing heavily, Yuuri's shoulders drooped and he sat down on the edge of his bed, looking at the floor as his heart started to splinter apart. "...From the beginning I told you I was afraid of disappointing you. I kept telling you I was going to win gold at Worlds, that I'd stand with you on the podium, and I just...choked again."

 

He felt the mattress shift and knew Victor was sitting beside him. He went on with a weak shake of his head, "I can't...I'm not good enough..." (He missed the involuntary flinch from Victor.) Looking towards his desk, Yuuri added in a tight voice, "I needed a change. I have to figure out what I need to do if I want to keep skating, if I want to..." He didn't know how to finish that. He swallowed and covered his eyes with his hand, pain filling his chest as he explained, "I just...I was so happy when we got together, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that we had an expiration date."

 

"I don't know what that means," Victor replied.

 

Yuuri still didn't look up. "...It means that I knew this was going to end eventually."

 

Then Victor placed a hand at his chin and quickly drew his gaze up, and Yuuri met the tearful look in his eyes. "Who says? Why would you think that?!"

 

 _Because I can never be your equal,_ Yuuri thought.  _I tried. I tried twice and I failed._

 

He said none of that to Victor, looking away from him and trying not to cry again. Victor sighed at his silence, fingers gently stroking Yuuri's cheek. "...You told me you needed help. What did you mean exactly?" he asked in soft tones.

 

He had said that, hadn't he? _And you took it literally?!_ "...I think...I needed you to just...keep having more faith in me than I do..." He closed his eyes and leaned his face into Victor's palm, greedy for the comfort he was offering. "I told you I'm not good at this. I'm not good enough for a genius like you, and now..." He opened his eyes, looking at Victor incredulously. "You left everything behind, and for what? For  _me?"_  

 

Victor gave him a little smile, thumb stroking little circles on his cheekbone. "When you put it like that, it makes me sound irresponsible!"

 

"It is! This is your career we're talking about!" Yuuri exclaimed, his heart racing anxiously. 

 

Victor briefly gave him another hard look before replying, "This wasn't a total spur-of-the-moment decision for me, and you know that. That night in Sochi, I told you I was thinking about announcing my retirement after Worlds, and it's not like I dropped everything in the middle of the season. But yes, I did come for you. You said you needed help and a change. That you wanted to keep skating but didn't know  _how_ you could do that. I'm here to help you."

 

Yuuri just shook his head with uncertainty, looking at Victor's determined face. "...Does it have anything to do with being close to me?" he asked with a wry smile.

 

"Would that be so bad?" Victor asked, leaning in a bit closer. "I never pretended I wasn't selfish when it came to you."

 

Yuuri let out a shaky laugh as his heart fluttered uncontrollably. Incredible that Victor was capable of so much just for...just for _him._ He closed his eyes and brought his hand to the top of Victor's, realizing how  _right_ this felt, even after he'd managed to convince himself that it should feel wrong. But Victor was here, holding him and offering him everything.

 

"...I'm pretty selfish too," he said, realizing that he wasn't going to let Victor go after all.  _I'm doing this. I'm really doing this._

 

Victor's eyes brightened with hope. "Does that mean you want me to stay?"

 

Yuuri wanted to give Victor the answer he wanted, but remembered the question he'd asked in Sochi, the most important question. "...Why me?" 

 

Silent for a moment, Victor took Yuuri's hand. "Here," he said, placing it over his heart. "Feel that." 

 

Yuuri concentrated on feeling, feeling Victor's loose grip on his wrist, the softness of his shirt, warm from his skin. 

 

A strong, steady beat, a subtle increase in speed just as Yuuri felt a hand curl over the back of his neck, drawing him forward so Victor could press their foreheads together. Yuuri breathed shakily as he stared at his hand, taking in the sensation of every heartbeat vibrating across his open palm.

 

Victor looked at him, adoration flooding his eyes, and said, " _That's_ why."

 

"Victor," Yuuri breathed, not knowing what to say. 

 

He froze, shocked as he watched tears trickle down Victor's face. "I'm scared, Yuuri," Victor confessed in a shaky voice. "I'm scared that you'll...you'll break my heart."

 

His voice sounded threadbare as he said it, and Yuuri wondered how much admitting such a thing had taken out of him. "I'd never... _I'm_ the one who should be scared of that!"

 

Victor's gaze darkened again, and Yuuri knew he'd said the wrong thing. "Why? Because everyone says I'm a playboy? A flirt?" the older man asked, a challenge in his voice.

 

Yuuri looked down, chagrined, and took his hand away from Victor's chest, quietly saying, "...I don't want to break your heart. Ever."

 

"Neither do I," Victor said, leaning in to brush his lips against Yuuri's. Their first kiss since their shaky parting after Worlds. 

 

Yuuri kissed him back, lingering in the wonderful sensation of those soft lips against his. Neither of them pushed for more, Yuuri drawing away first with a blush across his face. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving...I still can't believe you did this."

 

"I don't regret a single thing," Victor said with a shamelessly wide smile. 

 

Maybe, but Yuuri could easily imagine that Yakov was likely still furious with his student. Well, former student, now. Then Victor got to his feet, pulling Yuuri along with him before tugging him in for another kiss, looking delighted at his surprised moan. "Come on! Show me the hot springs!"

 

Yuuri smiled at him as he led him out of the room, heart feeling lighter than it had in days. "You know we can't mess around in there, right?"

 

"Aw, really? Well, do you want to mess around with me in here afterwards?"

 

Rolling his eyes, Yuuri chose not to respond. 

 

 

"That wasn't a no, Yuuri!"

 

* * *

 

 

_Victor's naked._

 

_In the hot springs._

 

_With me._

 

_We're both naked._

 

Those were only some of the thoughts crossing his mind as he sat across from Victor, steam surrounding them as they sank into the relaxing waters. Yuuri  _tried_ to relax, but found that it was quite impossible when Victor was flaunting his nudity.

 

At least they were alone.

 

Clearing his throat, Yuuri tried to focus his gaze on Victor's face (and not his chest or anything below the water) and said, "You never told me what Yuri thought about your program."

 

"Oh, he hated it!" Victor replied with a bright smile.

 

Yuuri deflated at the answer. Victor had been so proud of his program, and the little Russian Punk was going to turn his nose up at it? "...So he's  _not_ going to do it?" he asked sympathetically.

 

"He is, actually, after listening to me go on and on about doing the unexpected!" Victor replied, and Yuuri immediately felt better. "And it's a tough routine, so I expect he'll rise to the challenge. He gets stuck on the technical side of skating rather than the emotional. Speaking of which..." He gave Yuuri a tender look, smiling at him and adding, "His wasn't the only program I worked on."

 

Yuuri's heart gave a hard pound as he stared at Victor, caught off-guard by his words. "...What are you saying?"

 

"I'm saying I want to show you something at the rink. Something I think might help you get over this slump of yours," Victor explained with that determined look back in his eyes.

 

"...Okay," Yuuri managed, trying to keep his lungs from giving up on him.

 

They didn't make it to the rink until the next day, and Yuuri couldn't describe how he felt stepping through the doors, Victor at his side.

 

He greeted Yuuko, smiling at the look of shock on her face when she set eyes on Victor. When she regained the ability to speak she rapidly agreed to lend them the privacy of the rink. "Please! Go on ahead and take as long as you need!" she exclaimed, giving Yuuri a look that clearly said,  _We are going to talk about this later._

 

Standing behind the barrier, Yuuri's heart raced with anticipation as he watched Victor skate out into the middle of the ice. At a nod, Yuuri started the music, and he turned to focus all of his attention on Victor.

 

The music played and Victor moved, graceful and evocative, stopping at one moment to shoot a sweetly beckoning gaze in Yuuri's direction.

 

Yuuri's jaw dropped.

 

Then Victor began to skate, and Yuuri didn't take his eyes off of him, tracking every single one of his movements.

 

 _What is this?_ he thought as his breaths turned ragged, embarrassed at the realization that he was practically panting as he leaned over the barrier to follow Victor with his hungry gaze.  _There's so much sex appeal...God, it's almost enough to...impregnate me!_

 

It was an intricate step sequence, and Yuuri knew that it was created with him in mind. He had no idea how he was supposed to pull this off  _without getting arrested_ , but...Victor seemed to have faith in him.

 

Much too soon, Victor came to a stop, arms caressing whatever invisible lover he was imagining, and he let out a tired sigh as he pushed his sweaty bangs from his forehead. His eyes fell on Yuuri, who realized Victor was suddenly...closer.

 

He looked down and realized he'd unconsciously skated out towards Victor, and embarrassment flooded through him.

 

Facing him with a smug look, Victor explained, "Yuri's program is about _agape._ Unconditional love. Innocent and self-sacrificing. Like a parent's love for their child."

 

"I can see where you lost Yuri," Yuuri asked breathlessly.

 

Victor laughed in agreement before adding, "This program, the one I created for you, has the same music as Yuri's, but with a different arrangement. Faster. Tantalizing. It's meant to convey a different kind of love." His gaze sharpened, and Yuuri felt a little shiver travel up his spine. " _Eros._ Sexual love. Uncontrollable lust and ecstasy. The person skating this has to be able to drive their audience into a frenzy of need and pleasure."

 

Yuuri gaped at Victor, blushing hotly as he asked, "A-and you think I can pull that off?!" 

 

"Why not? You can certainly do it to me quite easily," Victor replied with a wink.

 

"...If this is about those pole dancing classes-"

 

"It's not only that, although I'd  _love_ to see a demonstration," Victor said, skating closer to Yuuri and smirking at him as he cupped his chin and steadily drew a thumb across Yuuri's bottom lip. "You and I both know you're perfectly capable of showing  _Eros_ , Yuuri. Now you just have to show everyone else," he said in low tones.

 

Yuuri felt his blush intensify under Victor's heated gaze, and could only stare at him in thunderstruck silence. "...Leap out of my comfort zone, right?" he asked quietly.

 

Victor leaned in to whisper breathily against his ear, "Exactly." Then he took Yuuri's earlobe between his teeth.

 

Yuuri gasped and grabbed on to Victor's shoulders, weakly protesting, "Victor, not on the ice!"

 

Victor laughed as he steadied Yuuri, kissing down the side of his neck before sighing raggedly and lamenting. "I made a terrible mistake." His hands settled on Yuuri's waist as he drew away to look down at him with a devious smile. "I should have made this a duet."

 

Yuuri laughed softly as he hid his blushing face in Victor's chest. Victor didn't let him remain hidden for long, lifting his face so he could kiss him again. Yuuri closed his eyes and tangled his hands in Victor's hair, letting this wonderful feeling settle inside him.

 

 _I'm keeping this_ , Yuuri decided.  _I'm keeping this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand you're all getting a sequel :)
> 
> please comment!

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me on tumblr: **aeriamamaduck**


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